Until recently a child’s birthmother and adoptive parents barely knew each other. The decision to keep their identities secret was thought to be in their — and especially their child’s — best interests. A protective measure designed to shield them from the stigma of adoption.
But today, thanks to open adoption, a birthmother and adoptive parents don’t just know each other. They can meet and have ongoing contact after their adoption has been finalized.
And yet despite the option of increased openness, many adoptive parents still shy away from striking up a close relationship with their child’s birthmother. Either because they harbour movie-of-the-week fears about her peering over their shoulder as they parent or, worse, coming back to reclaim their child. Continue reading →
By all accounts, things came easy to Bob and Theresa.
They were high school sweethearts with a solid marriage, rewarding careers, and a large circle of friends.
But there was one thing that didn’t come so easy: getting chosen by a birthmother. Even though they had done everything they were supposed to — created an adoption website, started a blog, taken out advertisements, and spread the word about their adopting plans on social networking sites — months went by without any response. Continue reading →
I placed my son Spencer 9 ½ years ago in an open adoption. Everyone has differences in their openness but this is what it means to me.
An open adoption is a lasting relationship between the birth mom, adoptive parents and child. It can include extended family. You need to have Trust, Respect, Understanding, Honesty, Communication and Love just like you would with any friendship, family or loved one.
I trust the adoptive couple I choose to raise my birth son and they in turn trusted me to follow through with my adoption plan and to respect them. An open adoption is a relationship not just with your birth child but with the parents that you choose to parent him/her. Continue reading →
This guest post is by Annette Marietti, an adoptive mother and birth grandmother.
I started my open adoption adventure in 1992. Our first match changed her mind a week before the baby boy was due, we had been matched for six months. And so with heavy hearts we started over.
I met our son-to-be when a friend, who was a foster parent in Las Vegas, Nevada, came up to Lake Chelan, Washington to visit. He was a sweet quiet tiny guy with lots of straight black hair and big dark eyes. He was half Native American and Half Mexican. Continue reading →
A little while back a woman seeking to adopt on our site contacted me. She was about to have what she said was the most important meeting of her life and she was freaking out.
A job interview? Blind date?
Actually, she was about to meet an expectant mother who had contacted her after connecting with her adoption profile. As she described it, this was her big chance to become a parent and she was worried about blowing it.
I knew exactly how she felt. I had felt the same way about our first match meeting.
Good things come in small packages, so the saying goes.
And for women leaving the hospital after placing a baby for adoption, they also come in small baskets.
Birth mother baskets.
Birth Mother Baskets—the concept and the company, which closed down after this interview was originally published— was started by Gina Crotts after placing her child for adoption.
Gina (on the right) says she’ll never forget the overwhelming feeling of loneliness she felt driving home with an empty car seat. She launched Birth Mother Baskets to help other birth mothers feel less alone after they leave the hospital with empty arms. Continue reading →