Forget Everything Else. This Is The Most Important Part Of Your Adoption Journey

most-important-part-of-adoption-journey

This guest post is by Madeleine Melcher, an adoptee, adoptive mother and author.

The most important part of your adoption journey, right now and forevermore, is probably not what you think it is.

Though I have a huge appreciation for the hours you’ve spent choosing the colors of your printed adoption profile and each picture that goes inside, though it plays a part in what is most important, is not it, directly.

Believe me, I literally wrote the book on printed profiles but your profile alone is not it.

I know you are thinking it is the love.  Why wouldn’t it be, right?  That is the point of bringing a child into your family, how could it not be that?

But the love is the easy part.  Though you will actually amaze yourself in exactly how big your heart can in fact grow and how much you can love this person before you ever even meet, love is not it, because love is the easy part. Continue reading

Why Marriage Equality Matters To Same-Sex Adoptive Parents

same-sex-adoptive-parents

This guest post is by Justin Miles, a same-sex hopeful adoptive parent.  

Last month my husband Brad and I joined thousands of people outside the Supreme Court in Washington to show our support for marriage equality.

It was the latest stop in a long journey for us that has brought us to where we are today in our adoption journey.

When the Supreme Court comes down with its ruling at the end of June it is bound to be a landmark decision for the entire country.

A decision that we hope opens the door for all same-sex couples to be treated as any heterosexual couple would be, no matter what state they reside in.

As Brad and I embarked on our open adoption journey just over one year ago, marriage equality and equality as a whole continue to be huge discussion points in our house and will continue as we grow our family. Continue reading

We’re Not Perfect. That’s Why We’ll Make Perfect Adoptive Parents

perfect-adoptive-parents

This guest post is by Liz Brown, a hopeful adoptive mom.

I know a little something about trying to be perfect because for many years I thought it was something that I could someday attain if I just worked hard enough.

And I’ve always known how to work hard: I’ve had jobs since I was 14, got straight A’s in school, got an early acceptance to Yale, graduated with honors, and have since built a successful career.

But the problem with having perfection as a goal is that even when you reach whatever benchmark you thought would equal perfection in that task — the good grade, the acceptance letter, the job offer, the marriage proposal — when you’re looking for those things to make your life okay, to mask pain and vulnerability, it turns out that there’s a hole in the boat.

There’s an approval high, maybe even accompanied by some distracting and exciting events, but once the accolades stop and everyone goes home, the insecurity starts to seep in again like a flea bite: small at first, barely discernible, but once you scratch it, it won’t stop itching. Continue reading

A Birthmother’s Love Lasts Forever

a-birthmothers-love1This guest post is by Fran Hampton, a birthmother.

More than 40 years ago, when I was a teenager, I placed my son for adoption. It took place in another time, in another era, when adoptions were secretive and relationships were closed

Even though we were separated, I never forgot about Stephen. The day I said goodbye to him, I had only one request. I told him “Find me.” And eventually he did.

Today, it’s been five years since our reunion.  Stephen and I see each other regularly and our families continue to be close.

For years I kept my adoption story to myself. I didn’t even tell my children. But over time, I’ve healed.

Adoption is a blessing and a part of who I am. I love sharing my story whenever I can. Each time I do, it helps me heal in a new way.

My adoption story began was I was 15 years old. I was just a typical teenager–a high school sophomore and a member of the choir. I had a boyfriend named Mike who I had been dating for about a year.

One day I found out I was pregnant. I was in shock! How was I going to tell my parents,  especially my mother?!  I was also in denial. All I could think of is this just can’t be happening to me! Continue reading

Going Solo: Waiting For An Adoption Match As A Hopeful Single Parent

waiting-for-adoption-match This guest post is by Jennifer Ruth, a waiting adoptive parent.

Waiting is hard. There is no easy way around that. When you have made a plan and set your course, you want to get going already.

You have considered how adoption will change your life and you are ready to begin creating the image of the life you have created.

The process of waiting for a birthmother to choose you to parent their child leads to anxiety. Is my profile good enough? Am I good enough? Will a birthmother choose me? Will I say and do the right things to make a connection? Will I be a good parent?

In observing veteran couples in the waiting to adopt world, I have noticed two patterns. In some couples, one partner is the worrier and the other is the calming effect. The worrier plans things, makes lists, and asks “what if?”

The partner goes with the flow and is always there to reassure the worrier that worst will not happen, it will all work out, and you do not need to check your website at 3 am. Continue reading