“The Best Things In Life Are Meant To Be Shared”: A Letter To My Son’s Birthmother

This guest post is by Tysie Stoyan, an adoptive mother.

I’ll be honest: I was scared to death of having an open adoption at first.

I had heard so many horror stories that all I could think of was all the things that could go wrong after I adopted my son, Zane.

But from Day One, I had a special connection with his birthmother, and the more I got to know her the more comfortable I became.

It was like the adoption was meant to be.

I knew I had to put my fears aside and put my whole heart into Zane’s family not only for his sake, but for theirs too.

Jasmine, his birthmother, had put her heart into mine and trusted us to give him the best life possible.

Continue reading

To The People Who Say I “Gave Up” My Baby For Adoption

This guest post is by Andrea, a birthmother.

Why do people say I “gave up” my baby for adoption?

When I became pregnant with Olivia, I didn’t give her up. I didn’t drop her off at the fire station, put her in a dumpster or leave her on someone’s doorstep without any questions asked.

I made an adoption plan for her. I carefully looked for a mother and father who would love and care for her and then I met them and built a relationship.

I made the decision to place her the day after I found out I was pregnant.

I literally stayed up all night thinking about what it would be like to be a single mom versus making an adoption plan. Continue reading

10 Things They Don’t Tell You About Adopting A Baby (And Why They’re Important)

This guest post is by Paige Knipfer, an adoptive mother.

Adopting a baby can be overwhelming. It’s hard to predict what will happen as you go your journey or where you’ll end up.

When my husband and I first began our journey, I couldn’t believe how little people knew about adoption and how willing they were to share their horror stories with me.

One of the things I learned is that you need to understand where people are coming from.

Most of them are just curious so you can’t take their comments personally and let yourself get frustrated. Instead, you have to educate them one person at a time.

Here are 10 things that people didn’t tell me about adopting a baby that may be helpful to you. Continue reading

Boy Raises Funds For Baby Sister’s Adoption With Lemonade Stand

Adopting a newborn baby is expensive.

Depending on which path you choose, whether you sign up with an agency or go the independent route with an attorney and try to find an open adoption match on your own, bringing a baby home can cost tens of thousands of dollars.

To help defray the costs, many waiting parents today are going online and creating their own fundraising pages through Facebook and GoFundMe.

Then there’s 9-year-old Kiefer Martin. The Fargo, North Dakota boy is raising money for his baby sister’s adoption the old school way—with a lemonade stand. Continue reading

When The Pieces Of My Adoption Placement Fell Into Place

This guest post is by Makena, a birthmother. 

As I look back on my adoption placement experience, there was a lot that fell into place.

In the beginning, being 16, pregnant and a sophomore in high school, I thought my life was going to end up in the worst of circumstances. I struggled with faith and hope.

But after I outlined the pros and cons of placing versus parenting and picked my son’s adoptive parents,  one thing after another fell into place.

First things first: I swore up and down that I was going to have a girl. We all do at one point, don’t we?

The first time I met my son’s adoptive couple was at the gender ultrasound in the spring of 2014. The moment the doctor said it was a boy, I looked at the adoptive mother and asked, “Are you okay with a boy?”

Her face lit up with joy and she said, “We would be happy whether it’s a boy or a girl.” Continue reading

The One Thing You Need To Know About My Son’s Birthmother

This guest post is by Tysie Stoyan, an adoptive mother. 

After suffering from health issues and being diagnosed with uterine cancer at 25 years old, I was told I would never be able to have a child.

My heart felt like it had been destroyed. I never felt so empty in my life.

Not having children was even scarier than having to deal with the actual cancer.

But in April 2013 I became cancer-free, and knowing I would never have a baby of my own, my husband and I looked at the options that were available through private domestic adoption.

Within a month or less, we were introduced to a woman with an adoption plan.

However, after seeing the ultrasound of her baby, she decided she couldn’t give it up and so we embarked on a new search.

After that woman backed out, I was scared to death to meet another possible birthmother.

It was like a piece of me had died, and I was losing hope. Continue reading

The Moment I Found Adoptive Parents For My Baby

This guest post is by Andrea, a birthmother.

Last November I found out I was 4 months pregnant. I was shocked. No way it could have been true because I took Plan B right after unprotected sex.

Looking down at the positive pregnancy test, it felt as if God had placed a hand on my shoulder and told me that my child was going to be placed for adoption.

I think the absolute biggest misconception about birthmothers is that we’re unfit people who just “give up” their babies.

Another myth is that we can’t take care of ourselves and don’t have anything to do with our children once they’re placed.

Let me tell you a little bit about my situation: I work a full time job to support myself. I’m a responsible adult. And I have a very open adoption with my daughter’s adoptive parents.

I chose adoption because I knew that she needed two parents, a mom and a dad, who could be there for her and give her everything she needed.

I was working extremely long, crazy hours at the time and was struggling just on my own.

Because I never wanted to have kids or get married, finding out I was pregnant and having to make such a big decision was very hard.

The family that owns the barber shop where I work told me they knew of a family dying to adopt.

birthmother-and-adoptive-mother-together-before-birth

That night I talked to Amy, the hopeful adoptive mother, on the phone and we automatically clicked.

At that moment, I knew that’s where my baby belonged.

I liked the fact that Amy and her husband, Brandon, were older, that Amy stayed at home, and that they lived in a small town and had animals. Plus, Amy was willing to have the open adoption I prayed for.

This was two weeks after I found out I was pregnant. We spent the rest of my pregnancy bonding and preparing for a baby.

birthmom-adoptive-family-pre-placement

I gave Amy and Brandon a gender reveal and we took family maternity pictures. Amy and I texted everyday and talked about everything.

And she came to visit me and I went to visit her before Olivia was born. We spent a lot of time together and really built a relationship. Amy was in the delivery room as well. It was amazing.

birthmother-and-adoptive-family-photo-shot

Since placement, it’s been an emotional roller coaster. Some days are great. But some days I can’t get out of bed.

A few people have made negative comments about adoption but then they see that I’m very much a part of Olivia’s life. I didn’t abandon her and I never will.

I think about her every single day. Amy and I still have a close as ever relationship and I see Olivia on a monthly basis.

My relationship  with Amy and Brandon works out so well because of boundaries.

I respect her as Amy as Olivia’s mommy and I let her know I appreciate the daily pictures/monthly visits every chance I get. She doesn’t have to do that for me so I make sure not to take it for granted.

We are very very open about everything. We talk about our hopes, fears, annoyances. Everything.

birthmother-with-baby-she-placed-for-adoption

My advice for an expectant mother considering adoption is to pray a lot and lean on your support system. God will guide you whichever the direction you are meant to go.

My advice for hopeful adoptive parents is to express what you really want and really try to build a relationship with your child’s birth mom and to follow through with what you talk about before birth.

She will be family for the rest of your life.

I love our open adoption and hope that one day it’s the only kind of adoption. Being able to see Olivia grow, I don’t feel like I “gave up” anything.

 There’s no way I would be ok with not having any contact with her. And I love her parents too much to close our relationship.

Through open adoption, I gained another family. I have a chance at chasing my dreams and Olivia has the life I could only dream about.

All I could hope for her is her happiness. Even if it wasn’t with me.

Andrea is a hairstylist, student (hopeful double major in criminal justice/psychology) and pug mama. Visit her birthmom/life style blog here

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