Adoption Isn’t Just About Mothers — Dads Are Expecting, Too!

This post is by Josh, a hopeful adoptive father. It is part of A Dad’s Devotion, a month-long series of original stories related to adoption, fatherhood and Father’s Day.

I’ve always had positive feelings toward adoption. For one reason or another, I just always assumed I would have biological kids. However, I can’t say I’ve ever had a drive to have a little one with my DNA. While reproduction is supposedly an innate drive, my interest in becoming a father is more about loving a little one (and later a big one) and helping in their development and growth.

This is probably due to a variety of life experiences where I have felt so much love, support, and guidance from people who were not members of my biological family, but were functionally family. When my parents divorced and my biological father stopped acting like a father — I was 13 at the time — my mom eventually remarried a man who I now consider my father. He has stepped up to the plate so much that when I turned 18, I changed my last name to his.

So if you are reading this, remember that an adoptive child would be truly yours. A biological kid would not be any more “your own” than one through adoption. To me, family is so much more than blood. It’s about relationships.

Our adoption journey

In our adoption journey, my wife and I have been so impressed by the number of people who have supported us emotionally, financially, and spiritually. And most have no biological relation to us. Many are not even that close to us. In many ways, they have adopted us and demonstrated such amazing love, care, and support.

On a final note, I want to emphasize that adoption is just as much about fathers as it is about mothers. I have been saddened by the focus on women in a variety of adoption materials.

While birth moms definitely need a major focus and are usually not supported by birth fathers (we intentionally chose an organization that provided a lot of support for birth moms), I hope the world remembers that adoption is not just driven by adoptive mothers.

I have frequently felt left out by the lack of material for dads with adoption. While I am not a hyper-masculine male, the overabundance of pink, flowery, and hyper-feminine products and content make it hard for me to associate with some of the content.

I hope and plan to be a very active part of my child’s life and have been very involved in the adoption process. I would love to see more products around adoption aimed toward dads. Because remember, we’re expecting, too!

Josh is a licensed clinical psychologist in Southern California with a passion for spiritual issues and psychology and blogging. He and his wife, Laci, a freelance artist with a specialty in Disney-style art, are hoping to adopt their first child.,/p>

Do you have an adoption story?
Share it with us as part of A Dad’s Devotion, a month-long series of original stories by adoptive parents, birthparents and hopeful adoptive parents and adoptees. How has adoption changed your definition of fatherhood or family? What impact has adoption had on your life and what do you want people to know about it? Submit your story here or learn more by checking out our Guidelines For Guest Posts at America Adopts!

2 thoughts on “Adoption Isn’t Just About Mothers — Dads Are Expecting, Too!”

  1. Nicely done. I particularly like the symmetry of the hopeful adoptive parents being adopted by their community. There’s something very fitting in that experience.

    I do have one complaint, however, and it’s about this: “While birth moms definitely need a major focus and are usually not supported by birth fathers”. Before making more comments like this, please consider the possibility that birthdads are alienated just as much as adoptive dads. There’s a brief discussion about it here:
    http://statisticallyimpossible.blogspot.com/2012/04/disappearing-birthfather-reality-and.html

    (I hate doing this, but I have yet to find another resource related to this issue yet.)

  2. Excellent point. I don’t remember why I wrote “usually” there; it should have been something more like “often.” Yes, birth fathers are frequently not included in the process even when they are active in the pregnancy and such. Thanks for the clarification!

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