We are Rachel and Nate. We are eagerly pursuing an independent private adoption. We are looking to adoption as a way to complete our family, due to a medical inability to conceive a child together. We are a very open and loving family that would like to include an infant of any race, gender, or cultural background.
Nate and I found each other after the end of our first marriages. We dated for about six years before getting married two years ago. Even though we both knew early on how much we had in common, how many goals we shared, and how much we loved each other, we allowed our relationship to evolve gradually. We consciously made healthy decisions to ensure a strong foundation for our future. Our relationship is based on love, respect and mutual trust. We have spent countless hours playing board games or putting together puzzles. We make each other laugh on a daily basis. We have serious conversation about politics and view voting and participation in local events to be our civic duties. We are both actively involved in charitable campaigns through our work. We love sharing in the experience of live music, so much so that our wedding party favor was a mixed CD of only bands we had seen live together. We agree and disagree but work hard to really hear one another’s perspectives. One of my work friends upon meeting Nate for the first time said to me, “I love how you two are together.” I would have to say that we agree completely.
One of the risks of taking things slow was pursuing getting pregnant a little later in life. We began as soon as we were married but in July of 2016 but after lots of temperature taking, ovulation tests and some fertility interventions, tests showed that my ovarian reserves were just too low to be able to get pregnant. Nate and I had spoken a great deal about the option of expanding our family through adoption, and even though I have grieved about not carrying a child, our real goal is to be parents together. We started down the path to adoption with a passion.
Nate and I are already parents to an amazing 13 year old boy. He is Nate’s biological child from his first marriage. I have been so fortunate to be able to participate in Desmond’s life as his step mother. I love hearing Nate tell stories of when Desmond was small. How he would put his infant son on his shoulder and rock him to sleep while listening to music. Or the story of the Elvis marathon that was on TV the day that Desmond was born. We have lots of shared stories as well, like the day I first met Desmond when he was five and he was not feeling well. He cuddled up with me under his favorite Spongebob blanket and I immediately knew how special he would be to me. So even though we have had lots of experiences together that cover all the ups and downs of parenting, we have not shared all the milestones together. So while I am a lucky parent, I still very much want to be someone’s mommy and share that experience with Nate, who I already know is an amazing dad.
Nate and I feel like we would be compassionate, strong parents to a child from any background. We are open minded and try to be culturally competent in regards to how we interact with our friendships, our work, our family and our community as a whole. As we look to the possibility of a transracial adoption we talk openly about how we will support cultural identity and broach conversations about race. We want our child to know that their birth family’s culture and race matters in a way that does not define them, but adds to the complicated person they will grow to become. We know that our child’s birth family will use love to help us grow and we want that love and family culture to be celebrated.
We are very fortunate to have an incredible support system as we move forward with our search for a birth mother. Both Nate and I have a family that is very supportive of adoption as well as some that have personally felt its impacts. My mother, Jane, placed a child for adoption at an early age. She was raised in a very devout Catholic family in small town Oklahoma. The decisions about this unplanned pregnancy were made for her, and she was sent to live with the nuns and other young pregnant girls until her baby was born. She never saw him or held him, but the strangers that offered her son a home also allowed her to go on to finish high school, get married, and have three children that she raised when she was better prepared to handle the challenges of parenthood. She is a role model to me of all the things a capable woman can accomplish. Nate’s older brother and his wife are the adoptive parents of a beautiful little girl from China, Emma. Their reasons to adopt revolved around some potential dangers to baby and mother during pregnancy. It has given both Nate and I so much peace to know that a child brought into our family will be so loved no matter their birth situation. We have seen how Emma has been unconditionally loved in the same manner as the other children in the family.
No matter the challenges we will face along this journey, Nate and I are completely committed to expanding our family through adoption. I look forward to using the knowledge I have gained in my fields of study (early childhood education and family studies) as we move forward in this process. Nate is excited to share his experiences as a father as we become parents to a baby together. We have had many emotional highs and lows on the path to expanding our family. Through the process we gain strength from each other and our family. We try to temper our dreams for a child with the knowledge that a birth mother will have to make us part of the toughest decision of her life. We are ready to offer a safe, loving, and creative home to a child as well as create the most supportive and caring transition for his/her birth family.