Ask A Birth Mother: What Advice Do You Have For Prospective Birth and/or Adoptive Parents in 2012?

We’ve asked hopeful adoptive parents about their hopes and dreams for 2012. We’ve asked open adoption agencies for their tips for hopeful adoptive parents for 2012. Now it’s birth mothers’ turn: What’s the one piece of advice you would offer prospective birth parents and adoptive parents in 2012?

Gina Crotts, Birth Mother Baskets

Adoptive parents, update yourself on ‘how not’ to be scammed by a birth mother. 2011 was filled with too many sad stories of this happening to innocent couples. Be honest with your birth parents.

Birth parents, make the best decision for your baby. If you place, become an adoption advocate and help us teach the world what adoption truly is about, love.

 

 
 

My advice to both prospective birth and adoptive parents is the same: Do your research. Check out different agencies; see what they promote or don’t promote. Talk to people who have been in your shoes. With the amount of adoption blogs available now, there is NO reason to not start emailing or commenting and asking questions to these bloggers to get the answers you really want to know. Get the good and bad sides to open or closed adoption, so if and when you make the decision to adopt, it’s an educated one.

 

Melissa Nilsen, The Modern Mom

My advice for birthmoms is if you hope to have an authentic open adoption with your birthson or daughter, remember that you are also signing up for an open, authentic relationship with his or her adoptive parents. Keeping in mind and acknowledging that the parents you chose are the only “real” parents will give the new adoptive parents the security to freely open their homes and their lives to you.

My advice for adoptive parents is to be straightforward and honest about what kind of relationship you are willing to have with the biological parents of your adopted child/children. Its a common mistake among hopeful adoptive parents to promise openness and then get cold feet about really opening their homes. Remember, its best for you and your child to have a healthy, open relationship with your child’s birth parents. But the relationship should be based on honestly, healthy boundaries and mutual respect in order for all parties in the open adoption relationship to fully reap the benefits of openness.

 

Jenny Treanor, Birth Mother Baskets

Birth parents, don’t be afraid to do the right thing.  You have the power to change the stars, not only your baby’s but yours too. Be proud of your decision, be proud of your baby and be proud of yourself!

 

My advice to prospective birth parents is choose a reputable adoption agency or adoption lawyer to go through. Don’t be afraid to ask for everything once you have found a prospective family.

My advice to prospective adoptive parents is if you promise something to the birth parents, then follow through with your promise (i.e. if you are to give pictures do not let Facebook be the only way to provide pictures, or think that the crappy pictures you don’t want are the ones to provide to the birth parent).

 

 

Jessalynn Bills Speight, Birthmothers4Adoption

My words of advice: Remember that every decision you make needs to be about the baby, it is no longer about you. It stopped being about you when you conceived. So if that means making a very hard choice like placing is in the best interest for the child, then that is what needs to be done with love. The peace will come in knowing you were mature and honest with yourself.

 

Now it’s your turn: What advice do you have for prospective birth parents and adoptive parents in 2012?

3 thoughts on “Ask A Birth Mother: What Advice Do You Have For Prospective Birth and/or Adoptive Parents in 2012?”

  1. I agree with everyone above! As an adoptive mom (and single mom) I would like both birth moms and prospective adopting parents to understand you both have more control over the situation than you think. You need to write down specifics that you want for your child if you are a birth mom, and for PAPs they need to do the same…be clear on what you want, how open you want your relationship with the birth parents to be, and look for an accredited adoption agency and/or adoption lawyer. I would also look for an agency or lawyer that is subscribed to ParentMatch.com. Parent Match allows all adoption agencies and adoption lawyers to be connected NATIONALLY to families and birth moms. It is totally confidential, but allows matches to be made more quickly.
    I also have to reiterate, if you make a plan with a birth mom/dad to send photos, have annual visits, etc. MAKE SURE YOU DO IT! Keep your promises to birth parents. I have worked with tons of birth moms who have been devastated that the adoptive parents did not keep their word.
    Adoption can be a wonderful experience for all involved if you work together and are honest with each other.
    I know this from experience! *smile

  2. As a prospective adoptive father, I love that I keep hearing the same message: Be honest and keep your promises. That’s important for any situation but even more in adoption! We’ll do everything we can to be as honest and transparent as possible. Thanks!

  3. As a prospective adoptive father, the best piece of advice I’ve heard is to keep the interests of the baby in mind. I believe, if we keep that in mind, everything else will fall in place. This will set the foundation for having an open and honest relationship with the birth parents.

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