All posts by Lawrence

Hi, I'm Lawrence Morton, community manager and chief blogger at America Adopts! If you have an open adoption story you want to share, email me anytime at info@americaadopts.com

In Praise of Birthmothers And Open Adoption

This guest post is by Pamela, a single adoptive mother.

A member of one of my adoption support groups called me the other day. She is “matched” with an expectant mom who intends to place her baby for adoption with this woman.

In the conversation with me, this woman–I’ll call her Sally–said to me that “the birth mom wants an open adoption including letters and visits.”

Sally went on to tell me that she is agreeing with “her birth mom” even though she and her husband do not want an open adoption.

Sally continued to tell me that she and her husband plan to completely close the adoption once the consents are signed and the revocation period has ended.

Sally said they plan to disconnect the 800 number that the “birth mom” calls them on. They plan to ignore the email account they use. Sally told me she will do anything to “get a baby” and that includes lying to this woman to get what they want.

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What Types Of Adoption Situations Are You Open To?

This guest post is by an adoptive mother who wishes to remain anonymous.

“What are you open to?” That was one of the questions I was asked at the beginning of our adoption journey.

I was taken aback by it, to be honest. If I were able to get pregnant I would be open to whatever situation I was in—there wouldn’t be a choice.

But I digress. After attending a few adoption workshops we learned that situations come up that may be controversial or considered less desirable to many families.

There was a greater likelihood that the child would have a special need or delay of some kind or would make our family stick out from others.

As an adoptive parent, you have a choice. What are you open to? What are you willing to accept? What are you willing to handle? What types of situations might you want to be considered for?

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How I Decided Adoption Was The Best Choice For My Baby

This guest post is by Teresa Leet, a birthmother.

I was not your “stereotypical” unplanned pregnant mom. I was a career mom in my late thirties, raising three girls on my own, going through the throes of a second failed marriage when we decided to give reconciliation a shot.

It did not stick! I then discovered I was pregnant. I was taking precautions too!

I asked my mom and the father of the baby (soon to be ex-husband) for advice and they both told me I needed to abort.

“I couldn’t bring this child into my situation,“ and “I guess you just want me to hand over my whole paycheck!” were their respective responses.   Continue reading

Why Adoptive Parents Need To Know And Respect Their Child’s Birthmother

This guest post is by Faith Getz Rousso, an adoptee and adoption attorney.

In full transparency, I wear a lot of hats. I am a mom to two biological sons and an adoption attorney who has been involved in hundreds of open adoptions.

I was also adopted into a loving family that never expected me to know my biological family.

Fifty-plus years ago, I was placed with my family by an adoption agency. My family was matched based on demographics.

Both families shared the same nationality, same religion, and many of the same physical characteristics. As I was told, “I was the most beautiful baby there… I was chosen.”  Continue reading

Woman Adopts Newborn After Chance Encounter On Plane

“How do I find a birthmother?” is one of the most common questions we get asked by waiting parents. 

The truth is, there is no playbook when it comes to finding a match with an expectant mother considering adoption.

It can happen any time just about any where. Even thousands of feet up in the air. 

Just ask Temple Phipps. She was flying from Atlanta to Raleigh when she got into a conversation with the woman seating next to her. 

It turns out the woman, Samantha Snipes, was 8 months pregnant and had just left an abusive boyfriend.

Realizing she was unable to support a child, Samantha was considering adoption for her baby.

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How I Adopted A Baby After 4 Years and 3 Failed Adoptions

This guest post is by Pamela, a single adoptive mother.

Adoption? As a single? Why not? I knew I needed to be a mom. I knew I was getting older. I knew I would always regret it if I didn’t go for it. So I did.

About 9 years ago I began researching adoption. There were so many choices. So many different options. Foster adopt? International? Domestic agency? Domestic Independent? Which road do I choose?

Initially I chose foster adoption. It had worked for thousands of families. Thousands of single men and women. Thousands of nontraditional families. And it is virtually free.

Plus, there are tens of thousands of children in need of loving families. I signed up for the initial meeting. I signed up for MAPP classes. I completed my home study and was certified. And then I waited. And I waited and I waited some more.

 

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How I Feel About My Son’s Birthmother

This guest post is by Kathy Rau, an adoptive mother.

My youngest son discovered this summer that he had a love for running. My husband, a runner, was very pleased because our other boys had pursued judo and wrestling.

“J”, my youngest, joined a running group this past spring and three months later he competed in the AAU Junior Olympics for Track and Field.

One evening my husband asked me if I thought we should invite “J’s” birth mom to one of his events. My immediate answer was no.

I had a quick flash of anxiety and stress which quickly switched to mom guilt. Why was I so adamant about excluding her in the celebrations of his accomplishments? I needed time to process my feelings.

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I’m Considering Adoption For My Baby. What Do I Need To Know?

This guest post is by Gina Crotts, a birthmother.

I started this blog post with your typical list of “things to know if you are considering adoption for your baby.” When in all reality, that list will not prepare you to place your baby for adoption.

I can give you a rundown of answers that you will find in every other article that you Google, and though these lists are helpful I prefer to stick to what is real and honest.

A transparent list of what you need to know if you are considering adoption for your baby. Continue reading

Placing A Baby For Adoption: My View As The Husband Of A Birthmother

This guest post is by Bob Spears, who is married to a birthmother.

I am married to an amazing woman who placed her baby for adoption several years before we became involved.

I have lived with the trauma now for 20 years and feel I have an observation on her decision to place and that of so many others I have been acquainted with through her.

She feels so strongly about birth mothers that she has spent an amazing amount of time and money to create a support system.

I have been blessed to be on the ride through this adventure and think I see this through pretty open eyes. I wanted to give a few of my thoughts.

My intent is not to hurt others but to compare what I see within our society. Also, for those who want to condemn me for a male view, please take time to visit with anyone who knows me well.

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I Used To Fear My Son Would Hate Me For Placing Him. Open Adoption Changed That.

This guest post is by Makena, a birthmother. 

Happiness: Where does it come from?

Many people say “I will be happy when…” as though the only time you can be happy is when you get something or get to a certain stage in life.

But being happy in the here and now is one of the most important things you can do for yourself.

When I was expecting my birthson, Mason, I remember I would wish for things.

I would think to myself that once my boyfriend talked to me again, I would be happy. But then I realized that wasn’t going to make me happy.

It bothers me when people live their lives in the future because you can’t. You have to live your life in the here and now. Continue reading