Adding a child to your family through open adoption is always a blessing, whether it’s your first child or your fourth.

Just ask Stephanie and Brian from our adopting parents page. They can’t wait to add another child to their New York family of five. As they write in their adoption profile, “We know that we are not the typical adoptive family, but that makes us even more special. Being part of a large family has so many wonderful benefits and your child will be able to experience them all.”

Recently I had a chance to ask Stephanie and Brian about those benefits and about the challenges they’ve faced in trying to expand their family through open adoption.

1. As you mention, you’re not a typical family. So what made you decide to adopt?

We always wanted to have a large family and as we have adoption threads running through both of our families, it was something we always discussed.  After Stephanie’s pregnancies became progressively worse and the doctors advised against another pregnancy, we knew adoption was the right way to complete our family.

2. How do the kids feel about having a new sibling?

Our children are not only excited, but anxious to meet their new sibling.  Our oldest daughter, being a teenager, has been an integral part of our adoption journey.  Our younger two children have been involved to an appropriate extent based on their age.  It is frustrating for them to have to wait without a known end date in sight and we often hear “why haven’t you found our new brother or sister yet” but we remind them that all of the excitement we have waiting for their sibling to find us will make it that much sweeter when they are finally here.

3. You mentioned that other people haven’t been as supportive. Tell me a little about the comments you’ve received…

Since our family and friends have been so completely supportive of our adoption plans, it took us by surprise when complete strangers, attacked us via our Facebook page.  Most were not attacking us in particular, but rather adoption in general and it seems as if we simply have completely different views of what a wonderful choice adoption can be.  We have also, occasionally come across those who believe that families that have children should not adopt.  We disagree and believe that adoption is about finding the right family for a child and not the right child for a family.

Expectant parents choosing adoption should have the option of deciding whether they want their child to grow up as an only child or with siblings much in the same way they should be able to choose other aspects of an adoptive family that they feel would be best for their child. All families are different and all families are special because of their differences and it should be up to those expectant parents and not others to judge who should and should not be able to adopt.

4. You make a great case for large families in your letter. In your view, what are the benefits of having a large family?

What is not great about large families?  Siblings can be your first friends and your best friends for your entire life. Your family members are the ones who are there for you when you need them most and when you don’t even know that you need them. We see the relationship our children have with each other, the way they support, care and love each other and know that no matter where their futures lead them, the greatest gift we have given them is each other. According to our children, having a large family is also great because there are more people to vote your way when trying to win an argument and more people to order different types of dessert that you can then try.We have always believed that a child (or a person for that matter) can never be loved and supported by too many people.  We have always been supported and loved by our family and extended family and hope that the right expectant family is seeking just that for their child.

5. What are some of the things you’re doing in your networking efforts to overcome the fact that you’re not a typical family?

We are making sure to be open and honest in the type of family that we are and hoping that when the right expectant parents find us, we will be what they are looking for.  We are proud of our family and our fantastically awesome kids and know that any child will be as lucky to have them as siblings as our kids will be to have a new sibling.  We do not try to downplay or avoid the fact that we are not the typical family and we are just hopeful that the right person(s) will value all of the benefits our family has to offer.

6. Like a lot of people, I know you’ve had a bit of a learning curve with Twitter. What other networking tools are you using, and how easy has it been to use them?  

In addition to Twitter, which we really are still getting the hang of, we have a website, a facebook page, participate in message boards and we “advertise” in various locations (our favorite, of course being America Adopts!).  Some are easier than others with Twitter being the most difficult overall.  Despite the fact that we consider ourselves pretty tech savvy, that one is still a bit tougher to conquer.

7. Which ones have you found most helpful?

Facebook has actually been the most rewarding networking tool because, in addition to connecting us with some wonderful prospective birthparents, we have found a whole community of people all somehow related to adoption.  It has helped us learn about different perspectives, connect with others similarly situated or who have been in our shoes and we have found a whole network of support that we would not have otherwise had.

8. What kind of response have you received from prospective birthparents so far?

We have met some absolutely wonderful expectant parents and while we have not yet found our match, we really feel like each one has added something to our adoption journey and we feel lucky to have met each one of them for different reasons.  Also having met different expectant parents in different stages of their decision as to whether or not to place, we feel like we have learned a lot of important things that have helped us become even more understanding and knowledgeable about not only how difficult such a decision is, but how truly selfless it is as well.

On the more disappointing side, we have also learned many of the true differences between real expectant parents who are truly considering making an adoption plan and other individuals either pregnant or not, who are simply trying to scam either emotionally or monetarily.  We have been fortunate to not have become involved with any significant scams but it is sad that this is a reality in the adoption world in this day and age.

9. What are you doing to handle the wait? 

We could say that we are patiently waiting… but that would not be accurate and we are not the type to lie.  We are impatiently waiting, knowing that it is not yet time for us but hoping every day that today is that day.  In the meantime, we focus on how fortunate we are to have three unbelievably fantastic kids and loving and nurturing them into three good, kind and amazing people who will be ready for their new sibling whenever that sibling comes.

10. What are your expectations about finding a match — do you have a deadline to adopt or are you just taking things one day at a time?  

We have not put a deadline on our adoption hopes and expectations.  That doesn’t mean that we are not constantly reevaluating what is right for our family but for now, we are just hopeful that our match will come soon and we will not have to take the next step to consider deadlines.

11. What advice do you have for other hopeful parents with a large family who are adopting or thinking of adopting?

For those that are considering adoption, do your research, learn everything you can to make sure that both you and your children understand everything that the adoption process entails not just during the match phase, but for your entire life as adoption does not end at match or placement.  Regardless of how much openness your adoption may have, your family is adding not just a new child, but a whole new branch that should be loved and embraced by the entire family.

The road to adoption can be very bumpy and as a parent, it is important to know how much of that to share with your children and how to balance the excitement they may have with a new sibling with the reality that sometimes it takes a really long time.  Overall, if you believe that adoption is right for your family, we wish you and your family only the best as you join us and the rest of the hopeful adoption parents on this unpredictable but hopefully successful journey.

The Open-Hearted Way To Open Adoption by Lori Holden with Crystal Hass is a big, generous, and yes, open-hearted, book — the guide that the open adoption community has been waiting for. Insightful and entertaining, it not only explains why you should do an open adoption, but shows you how to do it with grace and confidence.

There’s so much to like about this gift of a book that it’s hard to know where to begin. So let’s start at the beginning. The way Lori sees it, adoption creates a split in a person’s biology and biography. Openness is a way to heal that split and help the child become whole.

Most people think of open adoption as a process where birthparents and adoptive parents exchange identifying information about each other and maintain an ongoing relationship through photos or visits or whatever. But for Lori, open adoption is much more than that. Rather than see it simply as an arrangement or a contract between two parties, “openness is the spirit in which we parent, teach, counsel, and listen to our children.”

Mention open adoption to prospective adoptive parents or expectant parents and their first reaction is typically one of fear. In the case of the adopting parents, it’s fear of the birthparents changing their minds (before the placement) and coming back to reclaim their child (afterwards). In the case of the birthparents, it’s the fear that the adoptive parents aren’t everything they say they are (before the placement) and that the adoption will be closed down (afterwards).

To the uninitiated, entering into an open adoption must seem like a crazy, even reckless, idea. As Lori writes, “as a birth parent, why would you want to stay in the life of child you placed? Why subject yourself to the feelings that might emerge when you hear your child call another woman Mama or another man Daddy? As an adoptive parent, why would you complicate your life by having birth parent around — people who have a seeming competing claim on your child.”

Why indeed? And yet for Lori, the answer is simple. You do it for your child, who is at the center of your relationship. Once you look at things through a child’s eyes, everything suddenly changes. Far from being adversaries, birthparents and adoptive parents become allies, united in their desire to act in the best interests of their child.

And that — moving from fear to family — is the starting and ending point of The Open-Hearted Way to Open Adoption. “More than a how-to, this book shares a mind-set, a heart-set, that can be learned and internalized. This mind-set/heart-set becomes an inner-navigation system that equips you to act confidently from love and not fear.”

Lori doesn’t just talk the talk. She also walks the walk, providing tools and real-examples to guide you through the process. As an adoptive mother of two, she knows first-hand that open adoption isn’t always smooth sailing. It’s a leap of faith, a journey into uncharted waters, one that has its own set of laws, rules and regulations. Even its own language, which is why she devotes the first part of the book to laying out her terminology. It’s as if she wants to make sure that everyone is on the same page, literally, from the get-go. 

If you’re looking for the latest research on open adoption, it’s there, enhancing the book’s credibility. But by drawing on the observations and experiences of other open adoption bloggers, Lori gives her book something else: authenticity.

One of the great strengths of The Open-Hearted Way to Open Adoption is how Lori incorporates other voices in her narrative. And I’m not just talking about other adoptive parents and birthparents whose stories are sprinkled throughout the book. Also included are observations by Crystal Hass, the birthmother of Lori’s daughter.

I loved reading Crystal’s thoughts about a host of issues ranging from the use of the term “birth mom” (she likes it) to prebirth matches (it worked for her, but she can also see how they could be used as weapons to coerce and control others). And I especially liked getting her side of the story of her relationship with Lori and her family, including her explanation about why it was important for her that Lori and her husband feel happy leading up to the placement even though their happiness was tied to her sadness.

 My only complaint, if I can call it that, is that I wish there was more of Crystal. But that would have meant having less of Lori, and that would have been a shame since Lori is such an engaging and entertaining guide — a “cool ass lady,” in the words of one reviewer.

Plus, let’s not forget this is Lori’s book — although Crystal gets a writing credit. But again, it’s a minor quibble — just one more example of open adoption’s push and pull that Lori addresses so well in her narrative. Perhaps one day in the not-too-distant future, Crystal will write her own book about her open adoption experiences. With Lori, of course.

If you want to find a baby, so the saying goes, you`ve got to find her yourself. And the way to do that is by rolling up your sleeves and getting the word out to everyone and anyone you know. Only then will you connect with your child — or your child`s prospective birthparents.

Mary and Andy know all about marketing. The Renton, Washington couple from our adoptive family profiles page work in the field. So I thought it might be interesting to find out how they`re using their marketing chops to building their family through open adoption and about what advice they have for others who are going down the same road.

1. What are some of the ways you’re trying to connect with prospective birthparents?

We’ve tried different paths to reach out because you just never know what’s going to work. We’ve tried print ads in newspapers (mostly free publications), networking with friends and family, websites that carry your profile, our own personal online blog and most recently, Facebook, Twitter, Imgur and Reddit. Our most recent efforts have been around getting our profile out there via Facebook. We are learning the power of social networking by getting visibility to friends of friends of friends. Its really amazing.

2. What do you think is the key to success?

Keep at it. You can’t be successful if you stop trying.

3. How have you translated that in your own networking efforts?

We keep trying new paths for networking. If one doesn’t work, we keep it going — consistency is important, but we’re always looking for other avenues.

4. Mary, you`ve been doing a lot of research into this. How has your marketing background helped you in getting the word out to prospective birthparents?

Two ways. I think my exposure in the marketing field has given me insight into how to speak to your “target market.” What I mean by that is making sure your profile really reflects who you are and how you plan to raise this child. I think women who are looking to create an adoption plan care about who you are, your values and want to understand how you will be raising their child. They want to ensure if fits with what they want for their child.

The other thing I learned was how companies were spending more of their media budgets on digital, or online advertising. We weren’t having much luck with our print ads, so we thought about shifting some of our budget to digital. The next step was how? We certainly don’t have the budgets these large companies have to spend. I started asking co-workers who were specialists in that field and they felt we should focus on creating profiles with paid adoption websites that can help us get visibility to our profile. Most of these paid websites do targeted ads on other sites where pregnant woman might be looking in search of information about adoption. They also suggested signing up for extreme exposure options, if offered, since it would allow us to get more hits to our profile, but under a controlled budget.

5. I know you’ve been trying out Adwords. What kind of experience have you had so far?

Andy and I wanted to see how creative we could get with our own online advertising so we checked into Google Adwords as an option. I’ll admit, this was so overwhelming at first. I knew you could take out ads with Google and you could narrow your ads to display to certain audiences, but when we found out the cost-per-click on words that included “adoption” we knew it would be risky and we could potentially end up with a bill for thousands of dollars. We kept digging and found out there are options where you can set up daily or weekly budgets. Right now we are just focused on “optimizing” our personal blog with common adoption search words that Google reports on having high search volumes.

6. What are some of the benefits of using Adwords for couples and singletons hoping to reach out to prospective birthparents?

Let’s say a pregnant woman is researching adoption as an option. She may search for information by typing certain keywords into the search line. By placing these same keywords into your site or blog, it will return “higher” on the Google search results list eventually. This is free folks!

7. What do you think is the biggest mistake new hopeful adoptive parents make when they’re just starting out in pay-per-click advertising?

Make sure you know how to set a daily or weekly budget. Make sure you narrow your targets to whom these ads are displayed. This is a tricky one. Don’t narrow your target too much. Both men and women can play a part in an adoption decision. Ages can range from teens to early 30’s.

8. What are the three things that hopeful adoptive parents need to know when creating an Adwords campaign?

1. Try to create an ad that has a picture of you with your contact information embedded in the picture.
2. Make sure you set a daily or weekly budget.
3. Assuming the ad will link to our blog or website, try to journal. If your site has been up for six months. Try to communicate what you’ve been doing since. It feels more personal.

 9. What other networking tools are you looking at?

Facebook. We created a Cause page with information about us, links to our website and contact information. We like this because 1. it can be completely free; 2. we can get ongoing visibility to our adoption journey with our network of friends and their friends, simply by making regular status updates or comments on other people’s websites; 3. Facebook has an option for targeted paid ads that allow daily and weekly budget limits.

We’re also using Reddit, Pinterest, Twitter and Imgur but it has been limited so far. Since we’re not super active on these sites yet, we make sure our profile picture has a picture of us and contact information embedded.

10. How do you measure success?

We measure success a couple of different ways.

1. Unique hits to our personal site. The more people that know about us and our efforts to become parents through adoption will only help us in the long run. I keep saying “someone will know someone who knows someone…that’s just how it happens.”

2. We measure success on social networking sites by interaction. We can have several Likes to our Facebook page, but we’re only visible to those people for that one time. For ongoing networking, awareness and “reach” we need those Likes to interact with us. Here’s how: When someone Likes our page, we not only want them to see our future posts, but we want them to Like those posts as well. The more times they Like something we post, the more often it will show up on their Facebook page and their friend or friends of friends will see it. Be careful here though. People might get tired of hearing about your adoption journey if you post every day, several times a day. Heck, we’d get tired of us too!

The key here is posting something the reader will be compelled enough to Like. You can only say so many times that we’re trying to adopt on a status update. We are still learning, but a good way to get continued interaction is to (1) post frequently, but not TOO frequent. Once a week feels about right; (2) Make your posts short and sweet – and consider a cute cartoon or picture, relevant to kids or adoption; (3) make sure you post on days that are most active for the social site you’re on. Example, if Monday is a high use day, post on that day so more people will see you.

11. What do you tell yourselves when one of your adoption outreach plans doesn’t get the results you were hoping for?

We struggle with this one. Waiting is so hard. Since there’s only so much budget to spend on outreach, we try to focus on keeping the consistency going with the lowest cost and most outreach. Again, we’re learning how social networking sites give you the most bang for your buck and you have some control over how and what you say to keep people interested.

12. What are the most important things you’ve learned about yourselves since you started the open adoption process?

1. Keep it real. We are who we are and that’s either going to appeal to someone or its not. We learned while writing our profile its simply not going to be “all things to all people.” We know that our profile will appeal to someone, someday, and there may be no explaining why we spoke to them. It will just happen.

2. Be patient. We work on this one every day. Waiting is hard. But the best things in life are work waiting for, right?

3. Keep living your life. Have you been putting off planning that trip? Book it now. What’s the worst thing that could happen? You get matched with a potential birthparent and have to postpone or cancel? The benefit seem worth the cost of a couple plane tickets to me.

4. Don’t take it personally when you have to keep waiting. You’ll be matched with the right family at the right time.

5. Journal. Journal. Journal. Followers like friends and family genuinely want to know how your journey is going. We suggest doing this on your blog. In addition, a prospective birth parent might also be reading your blog and while not ready to reach out, would probably love to learn more about you since you posted your page months ago. Make it upbeat and make it real.

Do you have an open adoption story?
Submit it here any time or check out our Guidelines For Guest Posts at America Adopts!

But now that it’s come and gone, it’s time to re-group and and move your adoption plan forward — and more specifically, to find news ways to get your parent profile noticed. After all, next to word of mouth, your profile is the best tool you have to reach out to a prospective birthmother and find a match.

Here are 11 ways to make your profile stand out and increase your chances of holding a baby in your arms instead of yearning for one next Mother’s Day.

Create a video

When it comes make an impact, nothing beats a video. While a printed profile will give a prospective birthmother a snapshot of your life, an adoption video will offers many, many snapshots — a much fuller portrait of your life. Throw in tons of photos and upbeat music and you’ve got yourself one engaging interactive tool that draws viewers in and showcases your story.

Build a website or blog

When prospective birthparents want to learn about open adoption or find adoptive parents for their baby, where’s the first place they go? Online. Having an adoption website is no longer optional for couples hoping to adopt. It’s essential. A website will give you an around-the-clock presence and let you capture your unique personality in words and pictures.

Join a parent profile service

If you don’t have the budget to create your own website, there are plenty of other places you can post your profile, including an adoption profile website like ours. Leveraging the power of a site’s search engine optimisation can help you stand out  from the crowd and get noticed at a fraction of the cost of building your own website.

Use eye-catching photos

When you’re online, you have mere seconds to make an impression. If you don’t grab a prospective birthmother’s attention right away, you may not get another chance. That’s why you need to differentiate yourself with large, striking photos. Not only do they create impact, they draw in  users to the rest of your profile. Most people will make a decision based solely on strength of your photos so make sure they, and the captions, tell a compelling story about you.

Make your points quickly

People don’t read on the web. They scan, skim and skip. But whether it’s an adoption profile or anything else, they all start at the same place: at the beginning. As a result, it’s important to hit the ground running with your letter. Empathy is good. But don’t waste too much of your prime real estate by telling a prospective birthmother she’s about to make a difficult decision.  She knows that. Get to the point. Tell her what she really wants to know: about who you are and what kind future you can offer her baby.

Include a section about openness

Openness is a tricky topic that means different things to different people. No wonder many couples hoping to adopt avoid any mention of it in their letter. Unsure about what to say, they sidestep it entirely by saying nothing. What they forget is the majority of prospective birthmothers want some level of openness. That’s why they’ve chosen open adoption. So one way to get noticed is to write about the kind of relationship you’re looking to have with a prospective birthmother — and then deliver on it after the placement.

Employ good design

Your adoption profile photos and letter are important but if the layout of your page is busy or hard to navigate, prospective birthparents could get distracted and move on to another one. Good design doesn’t have to be complicated. In fact, the simpler and cleaner it is the better. As you’re putting together your profile, make sure that the focus always stays on you, not on all the fancy bells and whistles in the background.

Make sure your profile loads quickly

When people go online, they want answers — instantly. And there’s nothing worse than making them to wait to get them. If your profile takes a while to load up, prospective birthmothers aren’t going to stick around and wait for it to appear, no matter how good it is. Having a fast-loading profile will prevent prospective birthmothers from giving up on you. But more importantly, it will also help you the edge with search engine rankings since Google likes sites that show up quickly as well.

Share your story on social networks

Posting your parent profile online is only the first step in your adoption networking campaign. You still have to make sure people find it. That’s where social networking comes in. Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram and Tumblr are a ways to differentiate yourself with prospective birthmothers and get the word out about your desire to adopt. Each one is relatively easy to use — and free, too. The only investment is your time.

Launch an advertising campaign

If your website isn’t getting the traffic you’re hoping for — and the truth is, it’s hard unless you add fresh, relevant content on a regular basis — advertising on Google and Facebok is another way to extend your reach and make your profile stand out. Just make sure that the keywords you pick are targeted (“Atlanta Georgia couple hoping to adopt baby” rather than “adoption”) and that you build a campaign gradually through trial and error rather than blow all of your budget at once.

Post links on forums, blogs and directories

Looking for an easy way to get yourself out there? Add it to an online directory, join a discussion group or post a comment on a blogs. Just make sure that they’re relevant to prospective birthmothers. Posting a link to your profile and asking people to share it will get you instantly kicked out of most discussion forums. But including it as part of your signature while you take part in the conversation is fair game.

From creating a website to social networking, there are many ways for you and your online profile to stand out and get noticed by a prospective birthmother. Find the platforms that work best for you and create a strategy to get the best return on your time and investment.

What are you doing to get your adoption profile noticed? How are you reaching out to prospective birthmothers? Leave your comments in the section below.

Placing your baby in a family of strangers is tough to do, no matter what time of the year you’re thinking about it. Thinking about it now, in the lead up to Mother’s Day, only complicates the issue. After all, this is the time of year when mothers are placed on a pedestal and honored for the sacrifices they’ve made for their children.

But for women like you who are making what many people consider is the ultimate sacrifice by creating an adoption plan and putting your child’s needs before your own, it can be a very lonely and confusing time. If you don’t plan to parent your child, does that mean you’re not a mother? Why is it that you feel so torn about your decision, even though you’ve explored all of your options, including parenting, and have decided that this is the best one? What will you say to people later when they ask you if you have any children? And finally, if you feel this uncertain now, how are you going to feel later, after the placement has been finalized?

There are no easy answers. Nevertheless, here’s how Mother’s Day can help you see your adoption plan through a different lens and make the most of the day — and your decision.

Re-examine your situation

Feel like you were swimming against the current before this week? Well, nowadays it must feel like you’re up against a tsunami. But instead of getting stressed out about all of the decisions you have to make and what people will think of you, use the time you have now before your baby’s placement as an opportunity to take a closer, harder look at your decision. Do you have all the information you need? Do you understand how open adoption works and what’s expected of you? Was there something holding you back before from moving forward with your plan? If so, use Mother’s Day as a catalyst to jump-start your journey and take it to the next stage.

Explore your emotions

Until you actually place a baby for adoption, it’s hard to imagine what it will feel like. Anyone can tell you what to expect, but nothing can really prepare you for it until the moment arrives. And that’s where Mother’s Day comes in. Rather than let all the holiday hype and hoopla weigh you down, use it to visualize what’s to come and how you’ll react to it. Like Christmas, Thanksgiving and your child’s birthday, Mother’s Day is one of those milestones that triggers a wave of emotions — some positive, others negative. Each situation is different and everyone reacts differently. Take advantage of the now to tap into those feelings — the joy and happiness as well as the pain and sadness — so that you’ll be in a better position to cope with them later.

Start a discussion about openness with the hopeful adoptive parents

If you’ve chosen parents for your baby and are wondering what lies ahead, now is the perfect time to discuss your relationship with them and create a plan for the future. Decide how much contact you want to have before the birth of your baby — and afterwards. Although it may seem a long time away, it’s never too early to talk about your expectations about openness. No matter how comfortable you are with the hopeful adoptive parents now, create a framework for your relationship while you still can, before the placement. Down the road, your and their priorities could change, things could get complicated, and it could be a lot harder to do.

Speak to women who have made an adoption plan

Most people won’t understand what you’re going through. Even your closest friends and family members may question your decision and your emotions. What are you so sad about, they may ask, isn’t this what you want to do? Even though you may have decided that adoption is the best choice for you and your baby, you may still feel uncertain and anxious about the placement. The good news is there are many women — birthmothers or First Mothers — who know exactly what you’re going through. They’ve been through it themselves. Go out and connect with them. You can find them online on birthmother and open adoption websites or through a support group or agency. Ideally,try to find women who have placed recently. They’ll be easier to relate to. And they can answer your questions more accurately and give you a better idea about what to expect than birthmothers who placed their babies in closed adoptions.

Attend a Birthmother’s Day event

Although you won’t see it on most calendars or in the card section of most stores, this Saturday, the day before Mother’s Day, is Birthmother’s Day. It’s the one day of the year when women who have placed their baby for adoption are recognized for the tough choices they’ve made. Some birthmothers observe and celebrate the day, others don’t. Again, everyone who has ever made an open adoption plan has a different take on their decision and how to recognize it. As you get closer to your placement date, surround yourself with people who understand and support your decision and can give you unbiased and accurate advice. And one of the best places to find them is at a Birthmother’s Day event or retreat.

Be good to yourself

Creating an adoption plan can stir up strong feelings of guilt and anger. Creating a plan around Mother’s Day will only intensify those feelings. But don’t take it out on yourself. You’ll always be a mother, even if you do decide to go ahead with your placement. Placing your baby in the arms of another loving family doesn’t take away the fact that you carried her for nine months and gave birth. Just before and after the delivery will be the toughest times. Missing out on all the “the firsts,” the milestones in your child’s life, will also be tough — and that includes your first Mother’s Day. But as the years pass, you’ll start to view your decision differently. The feeling of loss won’t go away. But knowing that your baby is being raised in a loving home and getting updates through emails, photos, phone calls, videos or visits will validate your adoption plan and lessen your pain.

Now is the time of year when we think about mothers and motherhood. If you’re creating an adoption plan, you’ll be thinking about them too, but for different reasons. Although Mother’s Day can be a tough time, use the holiday to your advantage by taking a closer look at your decision, re-examining your options and preparing yourself for what to expect in the future.

As a birthmother it’s always hard as Mother’s Day arrives. Yes, there is Birthmothers Day, but it’s not the same.

Eight years ago, on November 23, 2004, I became a mother. Six months prior I had picked out a family for this little girl to go home to. Two days prior to her arrival into this crazy world, the couple backed out on me saying they did not feel I would be involved in baby girl’s life. My life had shattered at 11:47 pm November 21,2004.

I had NOTHING for this baby and Thanksgiving was in a few days. I guess God had another plan for me. I brought baby girl home November 25, 2004 on Thanksgiving. I brought her home with no car seat and in a cab.

There was no big welcome home sign or balloons, no banners or people anxiously awaiting our arrival. The cab driver was talking on the phone the entire cab ride home and I was just praying we would get home in one piece. Luckily we did.

Two weeks into parenting and borrowing money for formula and diapers and clothes I made a heart-wrenching phone call to the agency to look into their books of profiles. A family had JUST been placed in the profile books.

They had one son who had just turned three on November 21, the day the previous adoptive couple bailed out on me. (Oh, and they had called MY parents to let them know their decision when by law it was illegal. They couldn’t even tell me but they could call my parents. I was 24 at the time too).

Choosing My Daughter’s Adoptive Parents

My social worker called A, the potential adoptive mom, and asked her if she could call C, her husband, and come down to meet for a last minute “interview.” A was and is a teacher so she had to see if she could get a sub. An hour later A and C were in a room with albums of E, their three-year-old. It was the most nerve-racking meeting of my life.

As I held B, my daughter’s emotions were all over the place. I knew within two minutes I was looking at B’s new parents. It was hard, oh so hard. At the end of the meeting it was decided my social worker would call them to let them know. As A left the room I gave her a look that I had decided yes.

A week later we all met down at the agency in a cold sterile room. So not appropriate and the worst decor and smell for such a gut-wrenching situation. Papers were signed and I handed over baby girl.

I could not tell you what was said or what things were done. I just knew that I had handed over baby girl to complete strangers that passed a background check and completed a home study. I had no clue what to expect other than three visits a year and emails.

I was in shock as I sat in my mom’s car and drove away. I felt as if my whole being had been ripped apart. I felt as if I couldn’t even cry. I had NO clue where my life would go or what would happen with this relationship with these strangers.  How would we become a part of each other’s lives?

In eight years it’s become a very different situation. Last minute meetups, texts and phone calls constantly, visits seven times or more a year it seems, love beyond words and an adoptive mother and birth mother relationship that is more like sisters.

I count my lucky stars each night as this adoption has turned into the most beautiful relationship. I am lucky to have found my daughter the family she has today. Today I parent my five-year-old son who is included in everything involved with my daughter and her family.

I have learned so much about being a mom from baby girl’s mom on how to be a great mom. I often wonder what life would have been like and what kind of relationship I would have had with the family that backed out on me. I thank God that they did.

Kari Wiessner is a birthmother who lives in Minneapolis, Minnesota.

Do you have an open adoption story?
Submit it here any time or check out our Guidelines For Guest Posts at America Adopts!

For weeks now, you’ve probably heard it: the endless drumbeat of Mother’s Day messages – in stores, on radio and TV, and here on the Net. And in the next few days it will only get louder.

For many people Sunday is a day of celebration. But if you’re a woman waiting to adopt it’s a day you’d just as soon forget — yet another reminder that you’re NOT a mom.

Depending on how long you’ve been waiting, you probably have at least one painful Mother’s Day story to share. Here’s mine: years ago when we were struggling with infertility, one of our family members was celebrating the birth of her child. As happy as we were for her, we found it difficult to be around her. Maybe it was the way that all of her conversations revolved around her baby. Or maybe it was the way she insisted on having us hold her baby, even though she was aware of what we were going through.

When we mentioned that getting together for Mother’s Day might be difficult for us, another relative shot back, “What do you want her to do – hide the baby in the closet?”

Hopefully you’ll have an easier time this weekend. But if you’re waiting to adopt and need a lift, here are some tips to help you survive the holiday and all the hoopla surrounding it.

Remind yourself that you’re on the right track

Mother’s Day is one of those holidays where it’s easy to focus on what you don’t have. But rather than dwell on the negatives, focus on the positives. Think about where you were at this time last year and how far you’ve come since then. Think about what you’ve achieved, no matter how small it may seem to you. Take pride in your progress, whether it’s making the transition from infertility to adoption, finding an agency, completing your home study or starting your parent profile. Remind yourself that today, and every day, you’re one step closer to reaching your goal and becoming a mother.

Avoid uncomfortable situations

This is the weekend to show the moms in your life how much you love them. But if the thought of wading through the Mother’s Day card section fills you with dread or the sight of another baby carriage or pregnant woman reduces you to tears, take a time out. Minimize your time at stores and with family, if need be, and outsource Mother’s Day-related tasks to others. Don’t feel guilty about it. Your moms will understand. What is Mother’s Day after all – just another day on the calendar? There are 364 other days to pay tribute to your moms. This week, if the going gets tough, protect yourself and put yourself first.

Be prepared for questions

As with most family-related events, brace yourself for lots of family-related questions. Including the dreaded “kids” questions — “Which ones are your kids?” Do you have kids?” Are you trying to have kids?” etc. Even though the questions may sound intrusive, for the most part people don’t mean anything by them — they’re just trying to be friendly or make small talk. Don’t get offended. Arm yourself with answers. Especially if some of those questions come across as insensitive. Don’t let others dicate how you feel about yourself on this day — or on any other day, for that matter.

Lean on your support system

If you find Mother’s Day or the days ahead of it difficult to deal with, don’t suffer in silence. What you’re going through is perfectly normal. Just because you feel out of step with the rest of the world doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. Thousands of other mothers-to-be are experiencing similar feelings. And thousands of others who became parents through open adoption have felt it, too. If you’re feeling blue, inadequate or anxious, reach out to others who are or have been in your shoes. Join an online support group or discussion forum. Connecting with other adopting and adoptive parents will lift your spirits – and make you feel less lonely.

Use the day as an opportunity to share your story and network

Once your story is out there, you can’t control how people will react it. Most people don’t know or understand how open adoption works so be prepared to give them the benefit of the doubt. Rather than get mad at things they might say, use the holiday as a chance to educate them. It’s the perfect time to do it. Tell them that you’re struggling with infertility. There’s a good chance they will have already suspected it. You can even take it one step further: tell them about about your plan to adopt and how open adoption matches work. Who knows, they may know of a pregnant women with an adoption plan and help you with your networking efforts.

Take your plan to the next phase

Just because you’re waiting to adopt doesn’t mean you have to just sit there and, well, wait. Rather than get stuck in a funk, use Mother’s Day as an impetus to move your adoption plan forward. If your profile has been sitting unfinished for the last few weeks, commit yourself to getting it done. If you haven’t heard from your social worker lately, give her a call and get an update. If your advertisng campaign hasn’t gotten the results you were hoping for, look at other ways to get your message out. The next stage of your adoption journey begins now. Empower yourself by taking control of your future.

Celebrate yourself

Mother’s Day is about mothers, but it’s also about mothers-to-be. That means you. Open adoption isn’t for everyone. It’s a hard road to go down. So give yourself a pat on the back and go out and celebrate yourself. Treat yourself to a day at the spa or go away with your partner for the weekend. Do something that makes YOU feel special. Because you, too, will be a mom one day.

Unlike infertilty treatments where you had no control over the outcome, adoption will allow you to become a mom – as long as you keep going. Don’t give up. And don’t get down. Instead, use Mother’s Day as a reminder of how far you’ve come in your journey and as an opportunity to map out where you want to go next.

How does Mother’s Day make you feel? How do you get over the blues while you’re waiting to adopt? What are some of the things you’ve done to move your open adoption journey forward? Share your comments in the space below.

Stacy’s mother placed a baby in a closed adoption before eventually reconnecting with him. Although her mother felt it was the right choice for her, the uncertainty was difficult for her. The experience taught Stacy and Guy about the importance of letting children know who they are and where they come from.

To that end, since adopting their son, Jaxson, four years ago, they have maintained a very open relationship with his birthmother and members of his birth family. Recently I had a chance to ask Stacy and Guy about the experience of adopting a second time and how they navigate openness with Jaxson’s birth family.

1. What’s the biggest difference about adopting the second time around?

It is pretty much the same. My husband and I are ready to become parents again, and we are looking forward to having a new baby join our family. The need and the want are still there. Since we already have a child, the time does pass a little faster, but there is still something missing. We know that it will happen, but I have to be honest when I say I am not the most patient person. This journey has taught me to become more patient, and to live in the moment. We do not know what the future will hold, but we know that one day our family will grow and it will be well worth the wait.

2. Do you feel less or more pressure to find a match?

We probably feel more pressure to find a match this time around. We have another person involved in the process now, and it is hard to explain to a four-year-old why we have to wait for a baby to join our family. His cousin just became a big brother, so Jaxson is wishing he was too. We have explained to him that when the time is right he will become a big brother, and for now, he should just enjoy being the only child and all the attention he gets.

3. How easy a decision was it to adopt again?

It was very easy to make our decision to adopt again. My husband and I have always wanted to have at least two children. My husband grew up with two sisters, and although they had their moments, they were close as children, and still are. My siblings were much younger than me and grew up in another state, so I missed out on growing up with my brothers and sisters. Our experiences as children showed us that we wanted Jaxson to be able to grow up with siblings.

4. Some adoptive parents are scared to adopt a second time because they can’t imagine having a more perfect child than the one they already have. Was that ever part of your thought process?

Whether you have a biological child, or adopt, we all think that our children are perfect, and we can’t imagine loving any other person as much. However, once that second child joins your family, you find the room in your heart, and you love that child with everything you have. Each child is a miracle and a blessing, and we know that there is more than enough love to go around.

5. There’s also a belief that adopting a second time is harder because birthmothers want their babies to go to a childless family. What’s your take on that?

I think each birthmother has her expectations for the type of family she wants for her child.
Adoption is kind of like dating. You meet the other person and there has to be some kind of chemistry or connection. Jaxson’s birthmom said that my husband had kind eyes and I looked like a soccer mom, and that is what first drew her to us.

Maybe a birthmother had an older brother she was close to as a child, so she wants her baby to have that same experience. It could be that she wants her baby to be raised with parents who spend lots of time with family, and make that a priority. We hope that birthmothers look at us, and our son, and see that we are a happy family who enjoys spending time with one another, and know that there is more than enough love, time, and energy for another baby. We have tons of support from family and friends and everyone is excited for what the future holds.

6. How have you explained your decision to adopt to Jaxson, and what’s been his reaction?

Ever since Jaxson was 2, he has been asking for a baby brother or sister. Actually, he was asking for 4 siblings, but we convinced him that we should add to our family one at a time. He is looking forward to the day that he is a big brother. He likes to talk about what our life will be like when a baby arrives.

He says he will sing to the baby, teach the baby how to play with his baby toys, and push the baby in the swing. The other day he even asked me to start recording Elmo, so that when we add a baby to our family, he or she could watch it. He is good with our friends’ little ones, and his younger cousins, and we know he will be an amazing brother.

7. What about his birth family — what have you told them about your adoption plans and how have they reacted?

His birthmom wasn’t surprised when we told her. She knew we wanted to have more than one child.  She respects our choices and knows that Jaxson is loved and doted on by our entire family, and that he will still be given lots of attention and love.

8. You seem to have a wonderful relationship with Jaxson’s birth family. What’s the secret?

We have a fabulous relationship with Jaxson’s birth family and we feel so blessed. We met Jaxson’s birthmom when she was about 5 months pregnant.  The moment we met, we both felt a connection, and knew that there was a bond. She liked the fact that her daughter accepted us right away, and we fell in love with her too. Since she lived hours away, we talked on the phone a lot. We also visited a few times before the birth.

As the due date got closer, I went to stay with her so I could help with whatever she needed. We really bonded during this time and enjoyed getting pedicures, watching movies, and getting to spend lots of time talking. We let her know that we were not only looking forward to becoming parents, but we were also so thankful that we had created a strong bond with her and her daughter.

She was now family, and she mattered to us as much as the baby on the way did. As the years go by, we talk every few months, but text and send pictures more often. We see each other once a year and both of us look forward to the visits. She knows that we are there for her, and that we love her. It is important that both parties respect each other, and make a connection with each other separate from the baby.

9. In your profile, you’re very upfront about your open adoption connections — the fact that Stacy’s mother placed a baby for adoption, the photo of you and Jaxson’s birth family, and the one of you and your adoption support group. How easy was it to move to that level of openness and to include those elements in your profile?

My mother placed her child for adoption back when adoption was not as acceptable in society. She was sent away until the baby was born, and was lucky the nurse told her she had given birth to a boy.  She did not know where her son was living, or anything about the family who raised him. Although she knew that the right choice had been made, the unknown was very difficult for her. When we finally reconnected with her son as an adult, we learned that he had been raised well, and had lived a good life. The relief we felt was immense.

He did say that the unknowns were hard for him too. Although he loved his family very much, he always wanted to know who he looked like, acted like, and if there was any family medical history that he should know about. Because of this, it was very easy for my husband and me to decide on an open adoption. We wanted our children to grow up knowing where they came from and that they were loved by so many people. We also wanted the birthparents to feel secure in the fact that their child was doing well, and to be able to ask them questions as our children grew.

When we joined the adoption support group during our first wait, we made instant connections with a few of the families. As luck would have it, we all ended up adopting around the same time, and we all had boys! We know that the connection as adoptive parents is important so we can be there for each other through this adoption journey. Although the kids are too little now, they will soon appreciate having other people in their lives with similar stories, and they will be able to support each other.

10. What’s has been the best part of having such an open adoption?

There are so many positives about having an open adoption. One of the most wonderful things is that since we know Jaxson’s birthmom and birthsister so well, we can see their qualities in Jaxson. We know he talks a lot, is stubborn, and confident, just like his birthmom. Some of the expressions he makes are identical to his birthsister.  Another important thing is that we are able to explain Jaxson’s birth story to him.

Every night before bed we tell Jaxson his birth story. He knows that my tummy wasn’t working, and his birthmom was growing him in her belly. He knows that she was looking for a mommy and a daddy for him, and loved him very much. As he grows older, we will add to his story and we know he will have more questions. We are thankful we can ask his birthmom questions along the way, and that Jaxson can ask questions when he is older.

11. What advice do you have for other hopeful parents who want to embrace openness but are scared?

We are often scared about things we are unsure of, or don’t know much about. Adoption is a journey and it is ever changing, just like life. As Jaxson grows and time passes, the relationship we have with his birthfamily changes and evolves. However, no matter what is going on in both of our lives, we will always be a family.

It is important to know that the children we adopt had a first family. They will have questions and be curious about their other families. The more we know as adoptive parents, the more we can explain to our children, and help them feel confident and secure with who they are, and who they will become. The more people who love the child, the better.

What do you think of Stacy and Guy’s story? Was your second adoption easier or harder than your first one? What pointers do you have for others? Leave your comments in the section below.

Do you have an open adoption story?
Share it with our community. Email me any time to arrange an interview or check out our Guidelines For Guest Posts.

Adoption, and open adoption, may not be the first option that comes to mind when you’re looking for a solution to an unplanned pregnancy. But once you find out a little more about it, you may surprised by what open adoption has to offer and how different it is from what you may have thought.

Adoption has undergone a sea change over the years. Unlike closed adoptions of the past, where women with an unplanned pregnancy had no say in the process, today you can be as involved as you want to be in the time leading up to your baby’s birth. About 95 percent of domestic adoptions are considered open nowadays, meaning that you not only share identifying information with the adoptive parents, you can keep in touch with them and your child as he grows up.

Here are seven ways that open adoption puts you in the driver’s seat as you make a decision about your baby’s future.

You initiate the process

Once upon a time, back when adoption was still a dirty little secret, women with an unplanned pregnancy played a passive role and had no input or involvement in the selection process. To escape the shame and stigma of single motherhood, they were forced to give up their babies without ever knowing what happened to them. Today, it’s a different story. With open adoption, nothing begins until you say so. You initiate the process and have a hand’s-on role in the decision-making until your baby is born.
Tip: Although you can begin the adoption process at any time, you can’t place your baby until he’s born. Until then,  make sure you get all the information you need in order to make an informed choice.

You choose the adoptive parents

One of the ways that open adoption gives you more control over the process is by letting you choose your baby’s adoptive family. You can do it through an agency or by yourself on an online adoptive parent profiles site like ours. First, you need to decide what kind of parents you want for your baby. Then it’s up to you to go through the profiles and pick out the one that best matches your wish list.
Tip: If you don’t find a family the first time around, don’t give up. There are hundreds of hopeful adoptive parents from all walks of life to choose from so you’re bound to find the one that’s right for you.

You can speak to them

If you’re not sure whether the family you select is right for you or you have questions about them, open adoption gives you the opportunity to contact them directly and get your questions answered. Although reading a profile of an adoptive family is a good starting point, it will only give you a small glimpse into their life. Speaking to them can help you build your trust and make you feel more confident about your decision.
Tip: As you read their profile, put together a list of questions and make sure the hopeful parents answer all of them to your satisfaction before you move to the next phase of your relationship.

You can meet them

Choosing parents for your baby is a huge decision, and a profile or a conversation won’t tell you everything you need to know. Meeting them face to face and spending time with them will give you a more complete picture. If you’re nervous about meeting them or don’t know what to talk about, bring along your adoption worker or a third party and do it in a neutral public space such as a park or restaurant. If you are having doubts about your adoption plan or about the couple you’ve chosen, nothing will reassure you more than meeting them in person.
Tip: Having a face-to-face meeting with your baby’s adoptive parents will take your relationship to a new level so make sure you understand your rights and responsibilities before you get deeper into the process.

You can have an ongoing relationship with them and your child

In adoptions of the past, women who gave up their babies for adoption were expected to go on with her lives as if nothing had happened. Meanwhile, the adoptive parents were told to raise the child as if he were their own. Today, with open adoption, everything is out in the open. Before an adoption is finalized you and the adoptive parents will get together and hammer out an agreement about your future relationship. You will both specify what kind of contact you want to have and the frequency of your exchanges.
Tip: Be realistic about how much openness you want to have and make sure that you’re comfortable with your agreement since in some states it’s not legally enforceable.

You can get free professional advice

Many open adoption agencies offer free counseling from a licensed worker, whether you go ahead with your plan or not. Among other things, an adoption worker can help you explore your options, including parenting; give you support; and generally assist you in making a decision that’s right for you and your baby. Depending on the state you live in, you can also get help with your living and medical expenses. Keep in mind that nobody can force you to make a decision without your informed consent. In fact, adoptions can be legally overturned if they’re shown to have been made through the use of coercion, incentives or fraud.
Tip: Adoption laws vary by state so be sure that you have a good grasp of how they work where you live — and where the adoptive parents live if the adoption takes place out of state.

You can change your mind at any time before you sign the adoption papers

Adoption is a life-changing decision. And sometimes you may make an plan without knowing all of the facts or your circumstances may change. For instance, you may discover that the father of your child is interested in being a parent. Or your family may step forward and offer you financial or emotional support you didn’t have earlier. If you decide to parent, the way most women with an unplanned pregnancy do, you can change your mind at any time before the birth of your child. And you can even revoke your consent during a small window of time afterwards, depending on the laws of your state.
Tip: If you’re leaning toward parenting, don’t select an adoptive family until after you’ve made your decision. It isn’t fair to the hopeful family and it will only create additional complications for you if you undergo a change of heart.

Placing a baby in an open adoption can be a rewarding decision for the right person. And having an open relationship with your child and his adoptive parents can help reduce a lot of the uncertainty, fear and pain that comes with the process. To find out if open adoption is right for you, arm yourself with the facts as quickly as you can and don’t make any plans until you’re ready to do so.

Drawing on her personal experience and those of 30+ adoptive families, Julie is the author of Adopt Without Debt: Creative Ways to Cover the Cost of Adoption — a hands-on guide that contains more than $80,000 worth of creative fundraising tips and ideas, plus loads of interesting and, yes, fun ways to save money for your open adoption. Most people would be happy to make a few hundred dollars from a garage sale. Julie shares stories about families that have made thousands of dollars.

With detailed information about how to raise money from events ranging from dinners to dances to T-shirt sales and karaoke parties (stick around, she’ll explain that one in a moment), Julie shows you how to afford an open adoption — and still have money left over for parenting. Recently I had a chance to ask her about her favorite money-saving tips and tricks for adopting families.

1. What’s the first thing hopeful adoptive parents should do financially when they decide on pursuing an open adoption?

The first thing they should do is take a long hard look at their current finances. If they don’t have a household budget they need to get one ASAP. That can seem daunting but there are some great resources on DaveRamsey.com and it’s something that will help them long after the adoption.

2. What’s the biggest misconception adoptive parents have when it comes to paying for an adoption?

I think a lot of people just assume that they will HAVE to take out some sort of loan to complete the adoption. Maybe in the end you do, but I want it to be the last resort. Many families find they don’t have to. If you do need to do a loan, by all means look into the many interest free adoption loans that are available before you take out a home equity loan or put it on your credit card.

3. What are some of the ways that hopeful adoptive parents can stretch their budget and save money on their open adoption?

Two of the biggest areas that people can usually trim are in their entertainment budget and their groceries. The average American family spends over $400 a month eating out. Over the course of a year that’s nearly $5,000 that could go toward the adoption. I’m not saying never eat out, but can you trim that to $100 a month? A lot of families don’t realize how much money they’re spending on groceries. The national average is $700 a month for a family of four. I feed a family of 6 on about $450. A lot of this comes down to meal planning and organization, not necessarily using coupons. There are great resources like the book “Family Feasts for $75 a Week” by Mary Ostyn or online sites like Emeals.

4. What about raising money — are some methods more effective than others?

Definitely but some of it depends on the people. There are a few that tend to always be effective, like garage sales. I always encourage people to think about their circles of friends and then figure out what would be the most effective way to get them involved. A worship concert might work great for someone involved in a really close church. But someone in the military might find that something like a tattoo party works great.

5. What’s the secret to a successful adoption fundraiser – good prep work, sound organizational skills, generous friends or a flashy sales pitch?

Hard work and getting lots of people involved. Don’t try to do it all yourself. Not just because you’ll burn out, but by involving other people in your story you’re getting them excited and they in turn will tell others. I think people value honesty and sincerity over flashy.

6. A lot of people reading this may say that fundraising takes a lot of time and effort, and I just don’t have that kind of patience or skill set. Are there easy ways for them to raise money?

They’re right. It does take a lot of time and hard work. One mom told me it was basically like having a second job for a year. I love garage sales because they don’t take a ton of planning – just some lead time in gathering donations from friends. A couple really busy, long days but families have made between $3,000-5,000. It’s also something you can do more than once – at the beginning of the process and again at the end.

7. What’s the most successful adoption fundraising idea you’ve come across?

Without a doubt, The Both Hands Foundation. It involves getting together a group of your friends who agree to do a one-day work project at the home of a widow in the community. They get friends to sponsor them just like you would if you were golfing for a major charity. The average Both Hands project raises $10,000. Both Hands partners with Lifesong for Orphans and the money is distributed in the form of a grant and so families have to meet the Lifesong grant requirements.

8. What’s the craziest one?

The most unusual one and the one that always gets great reaction is the Karaoke Party. This is a great example of finding something that works with your circle of friends. The adoptive dad works in law enforcement so they wanted something really laid back and FUN to do with his co-workers. They got a local pub to let them hold it on a weekday night. The karaoke service gave them half off the cost. The rules go like this:

• For $10 you sign someone up to sing a song
• When they are called up they can pay $5 to make a friend join them or to change the song.
• Or they can pay $15 and the person who signed them up has to sing it.

For those that just want to come and enjoy they paid $30 at the door and wore a Mardi Gras style necklace. The family raised $1,300 in one night and had a blast!

9. Many hopeful adoptive parents are uncomfortable with the idea of advertising their adoption plans or asking strangers for money, let alone family and friends. What advice do you have for them?

I totally understand that. Everyone has their own comfort level and that’s good. You have to decide what you’re open to and be good with that. Again, a garage sale is a really great way to raise money and you’re helping other people by taking their junk off their hands. There are also jewelry sales that you can do so that basically you’re bringing in a second income rather than asking for handouts. Part of our adoption fund came through my husbands eBay sales. He’d buy stuff at thrift stores and then resell it.

10. You tell the story about how you managed to get a discount on your adoption by redesigning your agency’s website. How else can hopeful parents get creative when it comes to saving money with their agency?

That was a pretty unique situation for sure and I didn’t even plan on the discount when I volunteered to do it. First, check with your agency about any grants they may have, especially if your adopting older or special needs kids. I guess other than that I would just see if there’s any “holes” that you can fill for your agency.

How have you saved for your open adoption? What money-saving tips do you recommend for others? Share your tips in the section below.

Do you have an open adoption story?
Share it with our community. Email me any time to arrange an interview or check out our Guidelines For Guest Posts.