This guest post is by Amanda Dodson, a birthmother
On July 2nd, 2016 I found out I was pregnant. I was by myself in a Walgreens bathroom.
I called my best friend at the time and she told me everything would be okay and she’s there for me.
I was terrified to tell my parents because they had said if I got pregnant I couldn’t live there anymore.
I told my sister on July 4th and she wasn’t as mad as I thought she’d be. She just told me I needed to figure out what I’m going to do.
Two weeks later I told my mom and my dad two weeks after that. They both were disappointed.
When I told the father, he said he wanted nothing to do with me or the baby ever. His exact words were “I will never love it or meet it.”
How could someone you once thought could be “the One” say those words to you? It hurt so bad. 
Quickly after that I moved in with my best friend at the time and I thought everything was going to be perfect.
Her lease ended the month of my due date and we were going to get a bigger place. Until we started fighting everyday and our friendship slowly faded.
In the month of November I kept thinking about adoption because I felt like me and my friend’s living situation was not going to last.
By December I had to move in with a different friend and that’s when it really hit me. I decided to go with adoption because I didn’t want that kind of life for my son.
Facing My Adoption Choice
After I decided to go with adoption I went to my mom crying and told her I don’t want this life for my son.
I loved him so much. I wanted him to have a good life with two loving parents and not have to go to from friend’s house to another the way I did.
Then I told my dad and all my siblings about my adoption decision. Everyone was so supportive and proud that I made a choice not only for me but for my son.
I asked my parents if I could move back in with them because the girl I was living with also kicked me out and I had nowhere to go.
After a long talk I moved back with them and I instantly felt safe again.
Then it was time to tell the father I chose adoption. After I told him, he was so happy he tried being friends with me again.
He even tried hooking up with me again. I was so shocked. I was trying to play nice until he signed his rights over. Once those papers were signed I blocked him on everything.
The Day I Picked The Adoptive Parents
When I went to agency the second time, Erin, my adoption worker, told me I can go ahead and look at some profiles.
She brought me five books and I narrowed it down to two couples but one really stuck out to me.
After I read their book I knew they would be the parents getting my son.
The agency called them and told them and we set up a phone interview. I was so nervous.
We talked on the phone for about two hours. At first there was a lot of dead air. But at the end of the phone call I was really sure that I was going to pick them.
We set up a time to meet in person, I was so nervous I asked my mom to go with me. Once again, there was a lot of dead air at first at the meeting but by the end I told them I had picked them.
They looked so happy, and that made me happy. Vanessa, the adoptive mother, got to go with me to three doctor appointments. The first time she heard his heartbeat was so special that she started crying.
It made me think, man she really loves him. I’m so glad I found the right parents for my son.
The Day I Lost A Part of Me
On February 21st at 1 a.m. I woke up to my water breaking. I went to wake up my mom and we went to the hospital.
They checked me and said that my water was broken and the baby was coming!
We called Vanessa and her husband, Mike, and they were so excited. They came later that day because I got to sleep for a few hours.
When the contractions started that was the worst pain anyone could ever feel. I finally had an epidural. In fact, I ended up having to get two because the first one didn’t work.
A few hours later, at 4 p.m., I felt like the baby was coming out so they checked me and said it’s time to push.
He was out by 4:29 p.m. and man, was that the best feeling ever when they set him on my chest! Something so beautiful!
I handed him over to Vanessa and Mike and they were in love with him. He was perfect.
It made me think back and get so mad at the birth father. How could someone say they would never love this innocent perfect little baby?
The baby had a fever so they had to transfer him to a different hospital for 48 hours.
The adoptive parents went to stay with him while I stayed in the hospital.
When I got out I went to go spend some alone time with the baby. I thought it was going to be so hard, I thought I’d want to grab him and run off.
But I didn’t. It actually helped me. It made me realize I’m nowhere near ready to have a baby I was scared to change his diaper!
I spent a couple hours with him and my mom was with me too. When we said our goodbyes it really hit me. I’m going home right now without the baby.
I was sad and happy. I was sad because of course I’d want to see him everyday but happy because he would have a good home.
That will probably be the best day and the worst day for me. Best because I got to meet my son who I carried for nine months, got to give Vanessa and Mike something so precious that they’ve been wanting for a long time. Worst because I lost a part of me who I will never forget.
Adoption was the best choice I could’ve made for my baby. For anyone who is thinking about an adoption placement my advice for you is that it will be the hardest thing you ever do in your life but the best thing too.
Amanda Dodson is a birthmother from Austin, Texas who is planning to go back to school to become an occupational therapist assistant.
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