This guest post is by Simmy, a birthmother.
When I was younger I always tried to imagine what it would be like to be a senior in high school. Being pregnant was never part of the plan.
So it came as a complete surprise that I got pregnant, and even more surprising when I didn’t find out until my eighth month in.
I’ll never forget what my best friend said to me in the school bathroom when I told her I was having pains. “Simmy, you’re so stupid you’re having contractions, because the baby is coming!”
My small group of friends were completely shocked when I told them the news, and I was in denial too when I first found out.
How was this possible? I had never gained weight or even had any of the symptoms you’re suppose to have when you’re pregnant.
But there was no escaping it, I was pregnant.
And being 17 at the time I already knew there was no way I would able to support my baby.
I was going to school and working at a KFC, where all the money I made went straight to paying the bills.
I didn’t know what to do until one day a friend of mine told me about adoption, and how it was an option for people who felt they weren’t ready or able to parent.
Back then I knew absolutely NOTHING about adoption.
But when my friend explained what it was all about and showed me websites that would help me find adoptive parents for my baby, I knew I was making the right choice.
I never realized there were people who wanted to become parents of another person’s child because they couldn’t have baby on their own or that there were websites where they could post their profile.
It made me feel happy that I could help them find what they were looking for.
So I started spending every minute I could online trying to find adoptive parents for my baby.
I was worried that if I didn’t find them in time I would need to bring my newborn home with me.
My parents are both strict Indians so having to explain something so huge to them would have killed me right then and there.
I have sharing a small two bedroom apartment with them and my two brothers so bringing a baby into the picture would have taken over the whole place.
Also, I don’t know where the birth father is. The last thing I heard he fled the country because I needed help. Thank God because that proves he would have been the worst father ever.
I knew I would NEVER be able to bring happiness to my son. The way my life was, and having to go to school and then work until 11 pm, would have meant he would have never seen me.
The little money I had left over after bills would have gone straight to the babysitter I would have had to hire, and I doubt my parents would have even let me stayed at home, which is why I had to keep him safe somewhere else.
When it came to finding an adoptive family for my son, I was looking for a couple that lived close by. That way, when I went into labor, they would have been able to rush over and share the moment with me as I give birth.
I also wanted a family that would be able to visit me and or let me visit them without it being a problem expense-wise.
With a friend’s help, I went through the websites and looked at profile and profile until we found the adoptive parents I was looking for.
Their profile could not have been more perfect.
The fact that each of them wrote a description of the other just amazed me about how well they knew each other.
To me, it proved how much love there was between them and how hard they were trying to find someone to share their love with — not only with the child, but the birthmom too.
The fact that they lived nearby and were interested in the things that I was interested in was a bonus.
I don’t remember much of my delivery day because I was so doped up. But I do remember I saw an angel’s light on the adoptive parents and at that moment I knew they were the ones.
Two years later I still hear people telling me I will “Go to hell” and “God will never forgive you” for placing my son for adoption and wanting to give him a better life.
But that’s the problem with some people –they don’t take the time to hear your side of the story. They just love judging a book by its cover.
I used to believe them about me going to hell, but now I have more people on my side and honestly that’s what makes it so much easier to go forward in life.
When I was pregnant, the girls at work used to laugh about these other people and their comments, and told me to focus on the good.
One of the girls would even rub my belly and sing me a lullaby to get me to smile again.
My friends have always had my back. If anyone attacks me about my adoption choice they’re all quick and ready to shut them up.
Their support and being able to see my son completely happy with his family are what have helped me get through everything.
I know I’ll always be a part of his life and he will be thankful when he grows up and understands my decision.
Now that I’m almost 21, I know I’m still nowhere close to being comfortable to have another kid. But maybe I will in the future when I’m done with school and have a stable job.
My current boyfriend loves to drive with me to visit my son and is there for me on days when I’m depressed because I can’t be with him.
I don’t think I could have asked for a better situation or more perfect adoptive parents.
They were trained to do what they do and together we all continue to learn.
Looking back, it’s been totally worth it. My 17-year-old self should have known I had nothing to worry about.
Simmy is a birthmother in an open adoption.
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