How We Created An Adoptive Family Of Two Fathers

This guest post is by Steven G. Dubin, an adoptive father and adoption attorney. It is part of A Dad’s Devotion, a month-long series of original stories related to adoption, fatherhood and Father’s Day.

When we think about adoption and Father’s Day, it brings a flood of memories.  Our own, and memories created by our clients, which we have been privileged to share.

Our first two-dad family walked through our office doors well over a dozen years ago. They were college-educated, smart, loving, and in a committed relationship with one another for many years. They had loving families, good friends and good jobs.

When they came into our office, they were scared. Could two men — obviously not married to one another in that day and age — adopt? Could THEY adopt?

After our usual adoption orientation — a misnomer, since everyone leaves disoriented after a solid 90 minutes to two hours of information — they were getting ready to leave, contract, paperwork and business cards in hand.

They walked to the door, thanked us again graciously and turned. One partner said, “This sounds like it’s really going to work!”

My wife replied, “That’s why we’re here! You’re both about to get one hundred and fifty percent of our effort so that you can become parents.”

He turned as he was about to open the door, gazed at my wife, and with a catch in his throat, said, “I mean… can I tell my parents?”

I saw my wife was starting to well up just a bit. She said, “Yes, tell your parents.  You are on the road to becoming a father.”

Several months later, a beautiful daughter came into their lives. She was loved, cuddled, sung to, admired and adored.  Not a surprise. The adoption was uneventful and finalized at the proper time.

Several months later, America was attacked on 9/11. We could not help but think of them, as one of the partners worked very close to the Twin Towers. We were finally able to reach him and were relieved that he was alright.

He said that his first thought as they were evacuating his building was all about his daughter. He called his partner at home and made sure he knew, “I’m coming home to you and our daughter.  Don’t worry.”

Whenever I think about Father’s Day, and the privilege of being a Father, I cannot help but include this memory. We made two fathers in this family, and we have always felt lucky to do so.  We will never forget his plea, “I mean, can I tell my parents?”  To this day, it still catches me under my heart.

Steven G. Dubin has been actively practicing adoption law for over 25 years. An Angel in Adoption Recipient, he is an adoptive parent of two grown sons.

Do you have an adoption story?
Share it with us as part of A Dad’s Devotion, a month-long series of original stories by adoptive parents, birthparents and hopeful adoptive parents and adoptees. How has adoption changed your definition of fatherhood or family? What impact has it had on your life and what do you want people to know about it? Submit your story here or learn more by checking out our Guidelines For Guest Posts at America Adopts!

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