This guest post is by Jasmine Proctor, a birthmother.
A lot of people wonder how I could possibly “give away” my baby.
I didn’t give him away. I placed him.
After I unexpectedly became pregnant, I looked at where I was in life.
I was raising two kids both under the age of 5, their dad and I were unemployed, and we were struggling daily to give them the best life possible.
My boyfriend and I discussed the possibilities of keeping the baby versus adoption.
But as we weighed the pros and cons, we knew it would be beyond selfish to keep him.
It wouldn’t be fair to the kids we already had or to our innocent baby.
People asked me how could I do it? How could I just give my baby away? How could I live my life knowing that I gave him to strangers?
But my situation isn’t anything like that. I have a great relationship with Tysie, my son’s adoptive mom.
She’s not like a stranger to me. From the time we met, we had such an immediate connection that I felt like I had known her my whole life.
Initially I wanted a closed adoption for Zane. I wanted to just have my baby and then never look back. But after I met Tysie, I changed my mind.
The way I look at it, I gave birth to Zane but he is not my son. He is Tysie’s and her husband’s son.
They love and support him. From Day One, I’ve felt like God led me to them.
The right question is how could I keep him knowing we would have to struggle to support him?
This isn’t about whether I love Zane or not. The question is did I love him enough to give him the life he deserved?
Tysie and Zane
Going into the placement my biggest fear was that I would break down. Emotionally, I was afraid I would lose myself.
I couldn’t grasp the fact that I would be leaving the hospital without a baby. However, when it came time to leave the hospital Tysie was right there, by my side.
From the very beginning, she welcomed me and our family into her own.
She not only loves me for what I’ve done, she also accepts me and my boyfriend and our kids as hers.
Today, as I receive daily pictures and frequent visits, I know I made the right decision. Zane is the world’s happiest baby. His parents give him everything.
If I were to offer advice to someone who was once in my shoes, I would strongly suggest open adoption.
Zane is beyond blessed. He has a family that loves and provides everything for him.
With open adoption, there’s nothing to hide from him. He will know that he is loved by me and his birth dad and siblings.
He will also know that I loved him enough to realize he needed a life that was better than the one I could give him.
I chose open adoption because I wanted to see him grow up with parents that could give him all he needed in life.
To this day Tysie and her husband make me feel so at peace with my decision.
Some days I struggle because Zane was once a piece of me.
But when I see a picture of how happy he is there isn’t a doubt in my mind that I did the right thing.
Jasmine Proctor is a stay-at-home mom to two babies and a birth mom to Zane. She’s planning to start college this fall. She hopes that people and women facing an unplanned pregnancy will learn from her story and see that abortion isn’t their only option.
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