This guest post is by Daysha, an adoptive mother and blogger.
My husband and I met our son’s birthmother, Sheila*, twice prior to his birth. The first time was during our initial meeting before she selected us. The second was just after she made her decision.
During that first meeting with Sheila and leading up to it, I was a ball of nerves. “Will she like us? What if we say the wrong thing? What if she doesn’t approve of our parenting philosophy? What if, what if, what if….?”
What I didn’t consider was that Sheila would be just as nervous as we were.
We were the first to arrive to the restaurant. We were very early. We sat in the parking lot for a bit until we saw the social worker arrive and walk in.
Since Jane* was Sheila’s social worker, we had never met her before. But she gave a great self-description so we would be able to pick her out of the crowd. We waited another five minutes in the car and entered the restaurant.
We introduced ourselves to Jane and then we sat and waited, and waited, and waited. Sheila was late.
Oh no! I was in panic mode.
But Sheila did arrive, and although it seemed like ages, she was only five-minutes late. I had to take a “chill-pill”.
All of the introductions were made and we jumped right into conversation. It was as though we were old friends. Sheila showed us pictures of her older sons, her parents, and other family members.
We discovered we had a lot in common. We finally said our goodbyes. I left the meeting completely confident that we had just met our match.
I was so full of emotions and I knew I would not be able to adequately convey my feelings of the day. So I sat down and wrote a letter to our future son:
November 23, 2011
Dear Baby Boy,
Well, you have not made it to this world yet and you are not officially our child, but I love you all the same. I have decided to write to you now in order to capture this moment in time so that you will know how wanted and loved you are before you are even born.
Right now, your dad and I are anxiously awaiting the final decision of your birth mom, Sheila. The signs are really strong that she will see that we were meant to be your parents; she just needs a little more time.
Let me take a step back and fill you in on the past few weeks. On November 10th, Jane, the social worker, sent me an email that introduced Sheila to me.
I knew at that instant that you were the child we were meant to have. I called your dad immediately and he agreed that you were the one!
I emailed Jane and told her “YES! Please give our information to Sheila.” Well, your silly mom was so excited that she forgot to ask Jane the most important question, “when will Sheila review our book?”
After checking my email every 10 minutes for the next week, I finally emailed Jane and asked her when did she present us and when will we know something?
Jane responded by saying Sheila was reviewing our information and she liked us, but wanted to make sure she was selecting the right family so she was going to take her time and look at all of the families.
That was on November 17. Two days ago, November 21, Jane called me and said that Sheila has selected us as her number 1 choice to be your parents. BUT she just really wants to make sure she is finding the best home for you, so she wants to meet us!
We are so excited and nervous at the same time. Will she still like us? What if we say something stupid? But I know that she will see what she has known since last week, we are your parents!
So right now, I sit here, a bundle of nerves and emotion, waiting to hear what I already know. But, while we wait, we have so much preparation to do.
Your nursery is nearing completion. We painted your room and your dad installed a brand new floor for you! I have been busy decorating; and now that we know you’re on the way, we have been getting your furniture.
Your Grandma, Nana, and so many others are so excited about you and can’t wait to meet you! So here I write my very first letter to you… the first in what I am sure to be many over the course of your life.
So before I close, I just want to share one last thing with you. Today, after months of searching, we finally decided on the perfect name, I guess it just took us knowing that you were on the way.
As I close this letter, just know that Mommy and Daddy loves you very much and we are looking forward to making a lifetime of memories with you!
I remained a bundle a nerves for another week and a half. But finally, FINALLY we received the official phone call from Jane that Sheila selected us and she wanted to meet with us again.
That second meeting was even more comfortable than the first one.
Sheila arrived first and was waiting for us. Jane, the social worker, was the one who was really late.
But it didn’t matter. We were already in full conversation and laughing by the time she arrived.
And so it remains today, three years later. Whenever we visit with Sheila and her youngest son, it is like old friends, or even sisters, getting together.
*Names have been changed for privacy reasons
Daysha is the mother of a beautiful and energetic three year-old boy, wife of an amazing husband, a professor of sociology and criminal justice and a novice blogger.
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