Our Open Adoption Relationship: It’s Not Complicated

This guest post is by Star Prattas of Adoption Giftbox

The adoption of our older daughter is closed. This was at the request of her birth parents. Although we had hoped for an open adoption relationship with them, we realized that we had to honor and respect their decision.

Following our daughter’s arrival in our loving home, we were told by many of our family members and friends that it was better this way. They often suggested that it could potentially be “complicated” if we communicated with our daughter’s birth parents.

I know they were saying these things to us because they were not fully educated on the merits of an open adoption. However, we truly would have loved to have been able to share information with them on a regular basis.

As time passed and our daughter became older, we started thinking that maybe our family members and friends were right. Maybe it was less “complicated” because we did not have to send frequent updates to our daughter’s birth parents.

Despite comments by our family members and friends, I couldn’t stop thinking about how much I wanted to know them, to say “thank you” for giving us the most precious gift in the world. Most importantly, I wanted with all of my heart to have our daughter know her birth parents.

Our younger daughter’s birth parents wanted an open adoption

Fast forward nine years to the adoption of our younger daughter: Her birth parents definitely wanted an open adoption. We jumped at the chance to have this sense of openness that we did not have with our older daughter’s birth parents.

However, we were slightly worried and hesitant that it may “complicate” the situation, based on the concerned comments we had received from our loved ones. Regardless, we had done enough research and knew in our hearts that an open adoption was the right path to take for our family.

At first it was very scary. We did not know each other, yet we were about to embark on a life changing moment that would affect all of our lives forever. Our initial meeting went well. We were in a room with our baby’s birth parents, along with three social workers.

To my pleasant amazement, the communication flowed naturally and freely between all of us. I actually remember thinking shortly after our first visit that I forgot there were other people in the room as well.

After our baby’s birth and homecoming, we immediately started sending numerous updates to her birth parents, including plenty of emails and lots of photos. We always made certain to follow their lead. We knew that going into this relationship, our baby’s birth mother wanted more communication than her birth father. We respected their requests and moved forward accordingly.

We have an amazing relationship with our baby’s birth parents

At first, our family members and friends were unsure of how they felt. Thankfully, after talking to them and expressing how beneficial it was for everyone involved, they came to understand that this truly was an amazing relationship.

After some time, they would actually call me to see if we had received any updates from our baby’s birth parents. This was very special to us as a family, knowing that all of our loved ones were happy and supportive of our decision to maintain the open relationship we had so lovingly established with the birth parents of our baby.

Now that our baby girl is 15 months old and we have had the chance to send and receive countless emails and photos, in addition to the numerous visits that have occurred, I can honestly say that our relationship is “not complicated”. In fact, it is truly a wonderful blessing in our lives. In such a relatively short amount of time, I can truthfully say that our communication is both natural and welcomed.

We are so pleased to be able to show our baby’s birth parents how beautiful a child they created. They have been able to experience her joy and laughter that brightens our every day. I love sending them updates on her milestones reached. Sometimes I simply like to send a quick text message and photo to say “hi” and “we love you.” Our open adoption relationship is beautiful and heartwarming in every way possible.

My wish is that one day soon, we will be able to also communicate openly with our older daughter’s birth parents. I want them to see how amazing she is. I want them to know that she is growing up to become the most remarkable person. I want our daughter to know her birth parents and be able to build a loving relationship with them.

I hope that they know we love them and think of them very often. I pray that we can all get together soon, so that we can create an open adoption relationship that has the potential to evolve into something which is both special and magical, because after all … it’s not complicated!!

 

Star Prattas has been happily married for over 12 years and has two beautiful girls through adoption. She founded the Adoption Giftbox page on Facebook as a celebration for everyone touched by the miracle of adoption.

 

 

 

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Photo credit: Aussiegal

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