This guest post is by Alli at Neither Rhyme Nor Reason.
It’s been six and a half years since I placed beautiful little Samantha into the arms of her parents. It was a difficult and emotional choice for me.
However, it has not continued to be difficult or emotional. Adoption has become a large part of who I am and to me, it’s a beautiful thing. I believe this is, in large part, because my adoption is open.
Talking to birthmothers who placed before adoptions opened up, I have found that the only thing that they resent about placing is the not knowing.
Not knowing anything about their child, some are unaware of his/her name! I am blessed to not have these feelings of uncertainty.
I have been present at Sunday dinners, birthday parties, first dance recitals, and church programs. I have read books with Samantha on her colorful bed and been caught up in her contagious giggle.
I have been the recipient of toddler phone calls and crayon art work. I have seen for myself that she is loved and happy and smart. How can I worry?
Adoptive parents fears about open adoption
I know that many adoptive couples have fears surrounding open adoption and these are understandable. All open adoptions are not the same. Pictures, e-mails and the occasional “Skype session” is classified as an open adoption.
Some birthparents have only met with their child and his/her family outside the home at a neutral location. Certainly there are boundaries that need to be set for the comfort of all involved.
Please know that, generally, we birthparents don’t wish to parent or co-parent the child that we placed with you. I have never felt comfortable scolding Samantha or telling her what she can and can’t do.
She’s not my child. I placed her into the arms of her parents understanding that I was signing away my rights to parent.
My motives behind open adoption are just to know. To know she’s happy and that she’s safe and cared for. To know that she will know who I am and why I placed her.
Another positive to open adoption is that Samantha will always know. She will know her health history, she will know who to question about why she was placed and who her birth family is.
She will know who she came from and why she is where she ended up. There will be no question that she can’t ask and in my opinion, that is a healthy way for a child to be raised.
I love open adoption.
Alli is a birthmother who blogs at Neither Rhyme Nor Reason about adoption and life as a wife and mother.
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