How Placing My Baby For Adoption With A Same Sex Couple Helped My Family Grow

This guest post is by Mercy Verner, a birthmother.

mercybabyI made one of the hardest decisions of my life.  It started a little over a year ago.  I found out I was pregnant.  I stared at the test, as if it would change.  I realized that it was not going to change, and I immediately freaked out.

I didn’t know what to do.  I knew I wasn’t ready.  I couldn’t take care of another human being.  At least, not in the way that I wanted to.  I wanted my child to have more than what I had growing up.

I decided that that is what I needed to do. I needed to give my child a better life than what I could give.  I went through all the options associated with adoption.  I browsed many adoption websites and a few places, but none of them seemed right.

Then I stumbled across a website that dealt with same-sex couples and I learned about open adoption.  I looked through the possible adoptive parents and one couple —  Matt and Trey — stuck out from the rest.  They looked a bit goofy, and they seemed truly happy with each other.

I explored their profile and watched a video about them interviewing their cat about being a big sister.  It reminded me so much of my family, and right then and there I knew that they were the perfect couple.

As our relationship with them began to grow, they felt like part of the family.  Months had gone by and things were going the way I wanted them to.  I was almost ready(ish).  In my head, I knew exactly what I needed to do, but my heart was aching.  Emotionally, I wasn’t ready at all.

Then the contractions started.  I was so scared. I wasn’t ready to let go.  I just wanted to keep her in there and never let go.  Unfortunately, the reality set in.  I was at a regular check-up after being in inactive labor for eleven days.

As the doctor checked me, she spoke those few words that I definitely did not want to hear just yet.  She informed me that I would be having a baby that night.  I was freaking out, and trying to stay cool at the same time.

It did not work that well.  I didn’t have anything ready.  I made my way up to labor and delivery; it became even more overwhelming.  I laid in that hospital bed, trying to sort out my thoughts, and waiting for the nurses to give me an update about how everything was going.

mercyandpartnerI thought that I couldn’t do it; it just seemed to surreal.  Then the father walked into the room and it somewhat reassured me.  He had been there through the entire pregnancy and I was so happy to have him there.

It was a hard pregnancy, with many decisions.  I don’t know how I could have made it through all the craziness of pregnancy without him.  In a few short hours, we welcomed our daughter to the world.  August 19, 2013.

I spent that night with my daughter. I could hardly sleep. I woke up with every little sound she made.  The next morning I was awaiting the arrival of Matt and Trey.  It felt like an eternity for them to get to the hospital.

treymattmercyThey finally arrived and I was so glad they had made it and were there with me.  I spent the next week with all three of them.  During that week, the father and I had to sign the final adoption papers.

That was the hardest thing to do.  Just hearing what was happening.  It was easier just to not talk about it.  As I signed them, I began to panic.  I tried my hardest to stay strong.  I wasn’t about to let myself be selfish, especially when it came to my daughter.

I kept telling myself that I love her and that this is the best thing I could possibly ever do for her. As they left my hometown and we made our goodbyes, I could feel my heart breaking.  I didn’t want to say goodbye.  I didn’t want to go.

I knew that I would see them again soon.  I was so skeptical.  I thought that we would hardly talk.  Oh boy, was I ever wrong. I talk to them all the time, and whenever.  We Facetime when we can and I receive pictures of her almost daily.

treyandmattI get to see my daughter grow up, I truly love the concept of an open adoption.  It helped that I could still be mom.  It definitely is hard but it is something that is a day-by-day challenge.  I absolutely love my relationship with Matt and Trey and especially my daughter.

I was so scared that this would be a nightmare, but I was wrong.  My family has grown so much more.

Mercy Verner is a birthmother in an open adoption. She lives in Abilene, Texas.

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5 thoughts on “How Placing My Baby For Adoption With A Same Sex Couple Helped My Family Grow”

  1. Mercy your courage and strength is amazing and a true testament of your love and unselfishness for your beautiful baby. I personally have known Trey and his family for a very longtime and I can assure you that you made a wonderful choice. God has blessed each one of you with this amazing adventure. May he continue to bless you, Mercy.

  2. What a wonderful thing you have done for your daughter! She is truly blessed. I have read Matt and Trey’s story as well and what an amazing couple they are. This is a beautiful story!

  3. Wow, what an amazing story, and what an amazing thing you have done for your daughter. I am in awe of your strength in doing something that was so right. I hope you continue to have a great relationship with Matt and Trey, and are able to see your daughter grow up and be a part of her life in a way that makes so much sense given the circumstances.

  4. One of my daughters adoptive dad’s just sent this to me. I started crying immediately, this was my story!! Boone can ever explain the feelings of this decision, and anyone who hasn’t been through can’t start to understand, the love, the purest form of it, that goes into this decision. I love my daughter so much I couldn’t keep her and it hurt more than anything, ( even my awful labor), but it was for her, and now she has two AMAZING Dads. She is three months old now, and I receive pictures over text almost everyday, we face time once a week, and I will be getting on a plane to see her in march!!! They are two awesome men, and I am so grateful to have them in mine and my daughters lives! She is sooo happy in every picture and everytime we facetime. Thank you for sharing your story, and stay strong girl, you’re not alone!

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