This guest post is by Deanna Kahler, an adoptive mother and author.
We’ve all heard the phrase “everything happens for a reason.” But when you’re waiting and longing to become a parent, it’s hard to imagine what that reason could be. Why is it so difficult for some women to get pregnant or carry a baby to term?
Why is the adoption process so long and unpredictable? When will my child arrive?
There seems no easy answer to any of these questions. However, with time, often a reason is revealed.
I remember after suffering two miscarriages, people said it wasn’t meant to be or that God has a plan.
During my sadness and grief, I couldn’t possibly understand why I lost two babies. All I could feel was the pain, the emptiness and the persistent ache of wanting to become a mother.
It just wasn’t fair. How could that possibly be part of a master plan? It just didn’t make any sense.
After our losses, my husband and I moved forward and began the next step on our journey to parenthood: we started the adoption process.
Again, we experienced many ups and downs. We got our hopes up, only to have them come crashing down when a situation didn’t pan out.
The days dragged on, and the wait was sometimes unbearable. There were definitely times I wondered if I would ever become a mom.
Then one day my aunt, who was dying of cancer, told me: “God has a very special baby in mind for you, and that’s why you’ve had to wait so long.” Although I had my doubts, she seemed certain, so I allowed myself to believe that maybe she was right.
It was indeed possible that the child who was meant to be a part of our family would arrive when the time was right. I tried to stay hopeful and busied myself with home improvement projects, reading, exercise and dance classes, vacations and other activities to take my mind off of the wait to adopt.
One day when I was feeling especially hopeful, I even allowed myself to decorate the nursery and prepare for our future baby’s arrival.
Ironically, just two months after I finished decorating, we got the call that changed our lives: a potential birth mom had chosen us. As I spoke with our social worker that day, I had a strong feeling that this was the right situation.
I can’t explain it, but for the first time, everything felt right.
Turns out, it was. Despite all of the ups and downs, the disappointments and the fears we experienced during the adoption process, this time everything fell into place. Just two months later, we brought home a precious baby girl.
Our dream finally came true. Our new daughter fit into our lives so perfectly that she felt like she belonged with us. Every smile, every accomplishment and every hug, filled our hearts with love and joy.
She was truly the answer to all of our prayers. I remembered what my aunt had said and decided that she was absolutely right. We were waiting for this child.
But our story doesn’t end there. One day when my daughter was in first grade, the reason she joined our family became even clearer. We heard the tragic news that her birth mom had passed away. We were shocked and filled with sadness.
Our hearts ached just knowing that our daughter would never have the opportunity to know her birth mother.
It was hard to accept that the person who brought our child into this world – the one who made it possible for us to be parents – was gone.
Shortly after hearing the news, our daughter lit a candle in honor of her birth mom at church and requested that we have her name announced during mass so everyone could pray for her. We sat in the front row with tears streaming down our cheeks.
The woman who did the reading came to us and gave me a big hug. She said: “I know it’s hard when someone so young dies, but just think of your daughter. Where would she be today if it wasn’t for you? God had a plan all along.”
Too choked up to speak, I silently nodded in agreement. Maybe our daughter found her way to us so she wouldn’t have to grow up without a mom. Maybe everything really does happen for a reason.
Deanna Kahler is an accomplished writer, proud mom and author of From Pain to Parenthood: A Journey Through Miscarriage to Adoption. She lives in Michigan with her family and enjoys writing, dancing and visiting parks in her spare time. For more information, please visit www.deannakahler.com.