This guest post is by Marvin and Vaughn, hopeful adoptive parents. 

We are waiting…and waiting…and still waiting.

When we started the adoption process almost two years ago, several people told us the hardest part is the waiting!

And, boy, were they right!

You hear all sorts of coping mechanisms from friends or folk who have already adopted: “Go on vacation.” “Pick up a hobby.” “Spend more time with friends and family!”

All great suggestions and things we’ve done to help fill our time.

What they don’t tell you is how much the waiting can chip away at your self-esteem.

When you’re up for an opportunity and you’re not picked, or you hear nothing for months, you inevitably go to this place: “Something must be wrong with me, or us, or our profile or…or…or…”

The uncertainties and second guessing can really get you down in the dumps.

Here are a few ways that I’ve learned to deal with those nagging doubts. Continue reading →

This guest post is by Angela Boucher, an adoptive mother.

Just hours before my son was born I was asked the question, “How do I know you will love him?”

Most mothers going into labor would never be asked that question, but I am not what most people would consider to be a typical mother.

You see, I was a hopeful adoptive mother in waiting. I sat side by side with the strongest woman I have ever known, my son’s birthmother!

As I tried to process the range of emotions I was feeling, I wiped away tears from my face.  I answered her question simply,  ” I always have and I always will love him. ”

At that moment,  just hours away from our son’s birth,  the two of us shared something many people can never understand, the truest deepest unconditional love.

Continue reading →

This guest post is by Rachel Jacobs, a birthmother. 

Open adoption? I had never heard about it until I was six weeks pregnant with my son back in 2014.

All I knew about adoption was that there were closed adoptions where the mother never saw her child or had to search for him many years after placement.

I knew I didn’t want to do that. I wanted to be easy to find in case my son ever had questions that only I could answer.

Honestly, when I discovered I was pregnant my first thought wasn’t adoption. It was abortion.

And yet deep down I knew I couldn’t go through with it because I had grown up in a baptist household. Also, I was totally against killing an innocent child and wanted to give a child a reason to live.

I love children, and because of that I started blaming myself for my unplanned pregnancy.

I felt guilty and all these negative thoughts wracked my brain, including the fear that my parents were going to kill me.

But that changed when my counselor told me “it takes two to tango.” After that, I realized that I shouldn’t blame myself for everything that had happened. A guy was involved and he was partly responsible too.

At the time, I was living at home and knew that I wasn’t financially or mentally ready to be a single mom.

I was lucky because even after I told my family about my pregnancy, they continued to love me and gave me all the support they possibly could. Continue reading →

“Help us find a special birthmother for adoption by RTing this. #birthmother #birthmom #adoption #openadoption #adopt #baby #adoptiveparents”

If you’ve spent any time on the social media, chances are you’ve come across posts similar to this and others like:  “Make our adoption dream come true. If you’re pregnant, call us now. All expenses paid.”

At first glance, these messages by waiting adoptive parents may seem perfectly fine.

But if you want to find an adoption match online, you’ll need to take a different approach using different wording and a different tone.

For one thing, the person you’re trying to connect with isn’t a birthmother, not does she view herself as one.

Depending on how much she knows about open adoption and what stage of the process she’s at, she may have no idea about what you’re talking about. Continue reading →