What It’s Like To Be Married To A Birthmother

This guest post is by Bob Spears, who is married to a birthmother.

Although birthmothers have husbands and partners, it’s not every day that you hear from them.

That’s because many of them are not directly involved in their loved one’s adoption story.

But I’ve found that not being involved in your loved one’s story is not easy or healthy in a relationship.

Placing a child for adoption has a great impact on not only a birth mother’s life, but on ours as well.

It is a commitment that requires us to understand and help them through their journey.

I have been together with a birthmother for 20 years and married for 17.

I have watched experiences, changes and challenges to Lynea’s world each day.

I believe the most influential thing I have learned from watching her life is that a birth mother never gives up on her child.

Every day that child remains a part of her.

Continue reading

How I Came To Adopt My Baby Daughter

This guest post is by Stacy, an adoptive mother. 

It’s been three years since I adopted my daughter, and I just realized I have never told her birth story.

Initially I put off telling it because I was just too shellshocked and concerned about her birthmother.

But it’s a story that still sits inside me, waiting to be told.

So I’m going to try to share it now—to capture that transformative experience in words.

I hope her birthmother will read this and know that it’s as much of a tribute to her as it is to my daughter.

My daughter’s adoption story began the very same day that I got the news that, after several failed attempts at frozen embryo transfers, my surrogate mother was pregnant

That pregnancy would later produce Selah Rose, my second beautiful daughter.

But at this time, after many losses and disappointments, I had only a glimmer of hope of becoming a mother.

That day, after 11 pm, I got a text message from a friend saying, “Wake up and call me now.”

When I did, she told me she was sitting with Shana (for privacy reasons, I’ve changed her name), a woman who had just discovered, to her complete surprise, that she was 28 weeks pregnant!

I had met Shana before and knew her in a small way.

She understood that she wasn’t in a position to keep the baby and had decided that she wanted me to adopt the baby. Continue reading

The Day I Met My Newborn Baby Girl Through Adoption

This guest post is by Amanda Jane Avis, a single adoptive mother.

It all began with a phone call to my mom.

“Hello?” she said.

“Mom!” I said. “Ok, you and dad have to meet me at Long Beach Airport in about five hours. I’ll send you the flight info in a minute. I, um can tell you…”

“What? Why? You just got to Austin, I thought.”

“Mom! Yeah, yeah! I arrived six days ago, but please just pick me up at the airport and then we have to drive to Northridge Hospital because…”

“Amanda! What is going on? Your dad has plans today and…”

“Mom! Be quiet! Just listen to me. I’m a MOM! And you’re a grandma! And my daughter is about to be born right now. We need to…”

“No! No! This doesn’t happen like this. This isn’t the way this happens! You just began this process about six weeks ago!” Continue reading