This guest post is by Jasmine Proctor, a birthmother.
When I was 23 I had an unplanned pregnancy. I was already raising two children, and after suffering postpartum depression I knew I was done having kids.
I was so embarrassed I refused to tell anyone and didn’t know what to do. My boyfriend and I decided that getting an abortion would be the best decision.
But how could I do that and live with myself? Nevertheless, I made an appointment.
However, the week I was supposed to get it done I broke my arm and was transported by ambulance to a hospital for surgery.
The morning I was scheduled to be operated on the hospital technicians showed me an ultrasound and there I saw my 10 week-old-baby.
A huge hand was on the monitor. It looked like he or she was waving. They showed me my baby’s heart rate and I knew then I couldn’t go on with my appointment to get an abortion.
Zane with the onesie that his adoptive mom, Tysie, made for him.
Weeks passed and my arm healed. My boyfriend and his mom and sister were the only ones who knew I was pregnant.
They were getting excited, but whenever they asked me about baby names I would get irritated and leave the room.
One day I told my boyfriend that we should look into adoption and finding adoptive parents because I didn’t think having a third baby with us unemployed would be good right now.
He agreed instantly — he had no questions, nothing. He knew we were struggling to support our two kids so he wanted to give our third baby a life he or she deserved.
I looked for and eventually found an adoption agency online. Initially I was planning on doing a closed adoption and told one of my boyfriend’s close friends about my decision.
I was about to turn in my final paperwork to the agency and start the process when she told me to look at her cousin’s Facebook page, so I did.
I know it sounds crazy but the first time I saw Tysie, the woman I chose to adopt my baby, I knew she would be his mom. It was just a feeling I had.
Me, Tysie, and Zane.
What really connected me to her was how we knew all of the same people. Her dad was my friend’s family friend and her dad’s wife was actually at my firstborn’s baby shower.
As time went on we talked daily and I just knew she was the answer to my prayers.
She loved my baby so much already and he wasn’t even here yet. I felt that Zane was meant to be hers from Day One.
We arranged a day to meet when she and her husband, Chris, were in town. The day my boyfriend and I met them, they hugged us. I really loved how open they were.
Zane with both his dads.
My boyfriend and I instantly knew they would be our baby’s parents. Every day I talked to Tysie about Zane’s kicking and about all his hiccups.
As we got closer to my delivery date, I was ready for the pregnancy to be over with and get on with my life.
But one day I got scared when I thought I was going into labor. I realized I wouldn’t be pregnant and I wouldn’t have this little human moving inside me any longer.
A week later I went into labor. Zane was ready to be in the world. After arriving at the hospital at 8:30 pm he was out within an hour. He was perfect.
My boyfriend didn’t hold Zane. The placement was harder for him then it was on me.
Tysie was on her way to the hospital and I couldn’t wait for her to see her baby.
Before she got there the nurses were asking me all these questions about his name, if I wanted to breastfeed, etc. It was very overwhelming.
When Tysie got there it all made sense and I was so glad she was finally there to see him. She stayed in my hospital room with me.
I helped her change Zane’s first diaper. I showed her how to burp him.
He was ours. Mine in a way he will never be hers yet hers in a way he will never be mine.
We stayed two days in the hospital and on the last day I was so excited for Tysie. She and Chris brought me home but when they left I felt empty. All my emotions hit me at once and I cried.
Nowadays there are times when I struggle, but for the most part it’s been great. Zane’s dad and I feel like we didn’t “lose” or “give up” a baby.
We feel like we guided him to his parents and gained more family. And they will always let Zane know that he has two other siblings from me, his birth mom.
Zane and me.
Not only does Tysie make me feel special, she also makes my kids and my boyfriend all know how blessed she is to have us in her life.
I get pictures daily, we skype, and talk on and off every day. We had our first visit recently and it was amazing.
Not only does Tysie and her husband allow us to see Zane, they are also open to our family seeing him with their family.
For me, seeing him doesn’t feel weird. It reminds me why I chose open adoption over abortion.
I get to see him live a life I couldn’t give him. He is beyond loved and the happiest baby. I wouldn’t change anything.
Tysie is such an amazing mom and I know that with us already having two kids I would have struggled everyday.
I’m forever thankful that Tysie and Chris came into my life because they are the best parents to Zane.
Jasmine Proctor is a stay-at-home mom to two babies and a birth mom to Zane. She’s planning to start college this fall. She hopes that people and women facing an unplanned pregnancy will learn from her story and see that abortion isn’t their only option.
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