Thanks to independent adoption, adoptive parents and birthmothers are connecting in numbers and ways they could never have before.
Instead of going through an agency to find each other and get matched, they’re connecting on their own.
So if you’re a prospective parent hoping to adopt, you’re likely wondering: So how do I find a birthmother through independent adoption?
Before you to start your search, you’ll need to be clear about what or rather who you’re searching for.
In this case, it’s not a birthmother. It’s an expectant mother—one who may or may not go ahead with her adoption plan.
If she doesn’t and decides to parent, she isn’t a birthmother.
But if she does and decides to place, she is one.
Until then, though, she’s simply a pregnant woman who is interested in adoption, an important distinction to keep in mind as you move forward with your matching plan, especially if you’re planning to find her online using specific keywords.
The other thing you need to do is make sure that independent adoption is allowed in your state since not all jurisdictions permit it.
So once you’ve figured all of that out, how do you find an pregnant woman who’s looking at adoption for her child?
It’s more like how does she find you? You initiate the search but you need to find ways to get her attention and get yourself noticed.
It sounds hard but there are ways you can make it easier for her to find you.
For instance, word of mouth. The more people you tell about your search to find a expectant mother with an adoption plan, the better chance you’ll have of finding one. You never know who might know someone who knows someone who has an adoption plan and is looking for a family to adopt her baby.
Spreading the word to the right people and being in the right place at the right time could be your ticket to parenthood.
But the more likely scenario is that you’ll have to be more proactive and targeted in your outreach. One of the most cost-effective ways to get noticed by expectant parents is to create a web presence.
Taking Your Search To The Web Will Increase Your Matching Opportunities
Building a website or creating an social media account dedicated to your adoption plan on Facebook, Pinterest or others network will exponentially increase your reach and expand your matching options.
By taking your search to the web, you’ll tap into a larger pool of people who can find you 24/7. Even when you’re sleeping your online presence will work for you.
Signing up with an adoption self-matching site like America Adopts! is another way to raise your outreach efforts up a notch and find a match for less money and in less time than going through an agency.
These days more and more birthmothers are finding adoptive parents for their child this way. The advantage of joining an adoptive parent profile site is that other prospective parents will be on it, allowing expectant parents to browse through the profiles one by one in the convenience of their home until they find the one that catches their attention.
If you’re chosen by an expectant parent they next step is to through the adoption process together. You’ll be responsible for arranging and covering the costs of all of the expectant parents’ counseling and legal work so that they understand what’s involved in the relinquishment of their baby.
Finding A Match On Your Own Is Riskier Than Going Through An Agency
Many adoptive parents worry that if a expectant mother get too much too counseling she’ll change her mind and back out of the arrangment.
But the more counseling a pregnant woman has the more she’ll understand how the process works and the more confident she will be about her decision. If an expectant mother backs out of a situation after receiving counselling, it’s likely because the match was never meant to be.
There are many reasons why expectant mothers change their minds. Sometimes the baby’s father comes back into their life and they decide to make a go of it together. Or the plans they made without a child — to return to school or find a career—fall apart and they decide to parent. Or their family takes them in and offers to support them financially and help raise their baby.
Adoption profile website can help you find a match with an expectant mother but there’s no guarantee that she will go ahead with her plan. Sometimes there are signs early on that the match isn’t meant to be—the expectant mother is more focused on getting help with her living expenses than discussing the placement with you or she keeps missing key appointments with her adoption specialists.
Sometimes There Are Signs That The Expectant Mother Will Change Her Mind
It’s hard to know how much to read into these situations when they first pop. But if they continue and the expectant mother seems cagey or reluctant to discuss them with you, it could be a cause for concern. Then again, there are instances where an expectant mother will suddenly go AWOL months after building a relationship only to suddenly reach out on the day or her delivery.
One of the advantages of working with an agency is that they coordinate everything for you and reduce some of guesswork and stress involved in finding a match. But if you’re the type of person who likes more control and things into your own hands, finding a match through independent adoption can can be a great way to start your family.
Just make sure that if you are hoping to find an expectant parents from a self-matching site that the site is easy for them to find and that your profile stands out.
Successful Birthmother Matches Often Come Down To A Combination of Exposure And Luck
At the end of the day, whether you find a match or not comes down to exposure and just plain luck luck. Your profile could be the best profile in the world. But if an expectant mother can’t find the site through a search engine query or once she’s on the site, it doesn’t matter how good it is. You won’t get matched.
And when you’re finding a match with a prospective birthmother through independent adoption never underestimate the power of chance.
An expectant mother could come to a site with certain criteria in mind. Then suddenly she sees your profile, falls in love, and decides to connect with you even though you don’t meet any of her criteria.
You can help her make their decision by painting an accurate, detailed and heartfelt portrait of yourself that tells her everything she wants to know about you and where she’ll fit into your life. That includes sharing your throughs about parenting and openness. Many birthmothers want to maintain contact with the child and the adoptive family after placement and know that their child will be loved and cared for.
If you can convey all of that in your profile you’ll have a better chance of finding a birthmother for independent adoption.