This guest post is by Ashlee Amraen, a birthmother.
My boyfriend and I were excited but we soon realized that adoption was best for them.
We had a very rocky relationship and we both came to the conclusion that we were not ready and either was our relationship. It wouldn’t have been fair to our twins to bring them into a world where mommy and daddy were fighting all the time.
I was brought up by a single mother who struggled to raise me.
Growing up, I witnessed a lot of verbal and physical abuse between my mother and her boyfriend and I told myself I won’t let that be me.
I always craved stability and was jealous of friends who had both parents around. I never let any of the issues I was facing at home get to me because, sad to say, it was a way of life.
I focused on working an after school job and graduating high school just so that I could leave and start out new. I graduated in 2008 at the top of my class and never looked back!
It was hard to realize that adoption was best for our twins.
But it’s what needed to be done. My boyfriend and I agreed we wanted a steady and stable home for them. We did not want them separated.
The day I went into the adoption agency I cried, and the social worker told me this was going to be the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Boy, was she right!
Then she asked me over and over if I was positive I wanted to do this.
I told her, “yes I want an open adoption. I want my boys to know who their father and I are. I want my twins to have a stable and healthy two-parent home and I can’t do that right now in life. They deserve so much better than what I can give them.”
After I told our social worker this, she showed us profiles of families who wanted an open adoption.
She told us to pick 10 top families that we liked.
When we did she gave us their personal portfolios to look at which had pictures of their family, house, pets, etc.
We then broke the top 10 down to the two top families. Then we finally decided on “Our Perfect Family.” We told our social worker that we found the family. She then let their adoption worker know and we set up a meet and greet.
I was nervous that they wouldn’t like us, that they would judge us and more.
However, once we met Jen and Tony, the adoptive parents, we both knew instantly that they were going to be our twins’ mom and dad!
Though some people in our families didn’t agree, we knew what was best for them.
Thoroughout my pregnancy the adoptive family sent me care packages, paid my medical bills and helped me out. They were always excited about getting new updates about the twins.
They are so kind, and to this day they never fail to tell us how extremely grateful they are that we chose them.
I will never forget the first time the adoptive family heard our twin’s heartbeats.
They recorded it and started tearing up. It was beautiful!
When I had my twins, I had my family, my boyfriend’s family, and the adoptive family at the hospital. Some members in our families were excited to meet them, others not too much.
On May 4th 2011, I had a C-section and my twins were born at 35 weeks weighing 4lbs each. They were in NICU for about three weeks and during that time they were never alone.
The adoptive family and I had agreed on visiting times so I could get one-on-one time and so could they.
Best because I was meeting my sons whom I carried for nine months and bonded with like no other. Worst because I had to come to face the fact that I was not going to be able to bring them home with me.
Soon after they were born I had to confront every emotion I had been avoiding.
I knew this moment would come. I just didn’t want to face it!
I cried so much throughout that time I had nothing left! After everything was finalized and the boys were placed, I went on and stayed busy.
I just needed to preoccupy my mind, and four months after giving birth I saw my twins for the first time. I cried so hard that day because it was the best feeling to see how happy they were and how loved they were!
We have visits with our twins and the adoptive family every so many months. They send updates and pictures and stories about the boys, and we text every now and then!
We have a very open adoption to this day and understand one another’s boundaries in the relationship.
I couldn’t have asked for a better adoptive family and am so happy with everything!
It’s now 2014 and my boyfriend and I are still together and in a much much better spot in life. We see that hurdle as “weathering the storm” and coming out stronger than ever. We will have been together for 5 years in August and we are expecting a little boy this April!
We are more than ready to now be able to be “parents.” It feels so bittersweet, but at the same time exciting because God is giving us a second chance at enjoying this journey that we are going to embark on.
Never in a million years did I think that I, of all people, would get pregnant and end up choosing adoption.
But I’m so happy I did. It has made me so much stronger and made my outlook on life so much more different!
My advice for anyone who is considering adoption is that it will be the hardest thing you ever do.
You will never forget it.
Always be open and be totally blunt and honest with your feelings. You are a strong individual who is willing to put your child ahead of you. You are amazing and no one can break you!
Ashlee Amraen is a birthmother living in Duluth, Minnesota. She works in a hospital and is planning to get married in the near future.
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