This guest post is by Tysie Robinson, an adoptive mother.
Our journey into open adoption started over four and half years ago with the placement at birth of our beautiful baby boy, Zane.
Everyday I am grateful for his and his birth family’s addition to our family. Both of us wanted the adoption to be open. At first it wasn’t easy. And though it has been scary, uncertain, and uncomfortable at times, it’s also been beautiful, blooming and a blessing!!
Over the years it’s gotten so much easier and smoother. We have combined two loving families into one and a shared motherhood. I don’t believe Zane was ever given up but rather given from one loving family to another to get more love throughout his life!
I’ve come to believe that honesty and communication are the keys to a healthy life and adoption! I know that genetics don’t make you a family but that ￼love, honesty, respect, trust, sacrifice, support, acceptance, security, gratitude, compromise, and loyalty do.
Knowing the truth about his adoption and that he has another family and siblings will put an end a lot of Zane’s questions and unknowns.
He will never experience a missing piece in his piece. It has also been great knowing his medical family history for things we have run into. I know not having an open adoption could cause us a lot anger and hurt feelings.
We been blessed with his birth mom and siblings to help us take everything day by day and to find peace and more love through life.
This year we explained to Zane that he has birth mom named Jasmine and siblings. We always told him that since Day One but now that he is getting a little older he is starting to register it more.
He has two moms and two families to share his life with and that makes him a special little boy! Stil, he asks lots of questions. Recently he asked my mom, “Where is my mom’s birth mom?” My mom explained that she is my birth mom and my mom!
Sometimes he gets confused about why he isn’t like me and asks questions about why is he different. We explain that he is special—that he grew in his birthmom’s belly and in my heart because I couldn’t have babies due to Uterine￼ cancer.
Zane’s family and we try to make regular visits and connect through Facetime. This year we did a family vacation for the first time . We met halfway from our homes and stayed at a hotel for swimming and a brother-and-sister sleepover.
We had so much fun! it gave the siblings and Zane’s birth mom a chance to grow closer. It’s amazing to see how much alike the siblings are even though they live in different homes.
Zane keeps telling everyone about his birth mom’s and siblings’ visit and how he is ready to see them again. The only thing we lack is finding more time to make these adventures happen.
I’ve come to realize that open adoption is like a marriage: It takes a lot of communication, honesty, trust, quality time, respect and acceptance to make it successful.
When I had to make a choice about adoption before Zane was born , I wanted to do this for him, not for any other reason. He deserves the truth and the extra love in his life.
Plus, I know what it’s like to have my brothers in my life. They are my rocks–Zane deserves the same from his siblings.
I know the older he gets the more questions he will have, but I’m confident that we can overcome them together, as a family, and that I’ll have his birthmom by my side to get through things together.
Open adoption is worth it! It’s a love that grows daily.
Tysie Robinson is a 33 year old birth mother, open adoption mom, cancer survivor and business owner.
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