This guest post is by Amanda Dodson, a birthmother.
In February 2020 it will be three years since I placed Caden for adoption. When I say it’s been such a roller coaster of emotions… oh boy, I mean it.
Open adoption has taught me so many things and I am still learning new things. I see Caden probably once a month or so.
I still remember my first visit I had with him. He was about 4 months old and I went in there thinking, “Will I cry?” “What do I say to him?” “How do I act?”
Surprisingly, it went really well, though, until I left and got to my car. I was a puddle of tears. I missed him so much, and wanted more time with him.
Each visit got easier and easier, but then his first birthday came around and I was a mess again. I’ve missed so much of his life, his first steps, his first words, his first tooth growing in.
As time went on I got to see him grow up by the time my next visit came around he would be doing something new!
At my most recent visit a few weeks ago he was talking up a storm. I wanted to cry so much because I felt like I have missed so much of his life. It is so hard seeing the baby that was once in your stomach talking a storm up and you weren’t even there to see it.
Does that make me regret my choice or make me want to do it all over again? No, because I would still choose adoption and I would still chose the adoptive parents I chose.
I honestly wouldn’t have the open adoption I have today if it weren’t for the parents I chose. They are truly wonderful and great and I wouldn’t want anyone else having Caden besides them.
His adoptive mom—truly I don’t even have enough words to describe her. One night she let me go upstairs and feed him a bottle and rock him to sleep and read to him.
It was truly amazing and one of my favorite nights i’ve had with him. The therapist I had at the time said, “Wow, that’s amazing she let you mother him while you were over there!”
Everytime I go over there for a visit I get reminded that I did make the best choice and he is in a wonderful home.
Adoption is still one of the hardest choices I’ve ever had to make but when you become a mom, you need to look out for your child and make the best choice for them.
And that’s what I did with Caden. And I am forever grateful for his adoptive parents.
Amanda Dodson recently finished school as a medical assistant and is looking to launch her career.
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