Adoption Failure, Then Friendship: What A Birthmother Taught Me About Finding the Right Match

This guest post is by Lisa, a hopeful adoptive mother. 

Being a mom has been the most rewarding experience of my life. I have found such joy in raising my daughter, Emma, who is now five years old.

I am unable to have another biological child due to infertility but am just as excited about opening up our lives with the love of a baby or toddler through adoption. My strong desire to be a mom is no doubt the result of my own mother’s strong influence in my life.

My mom has always put family first and takes care of us like no one else can. She is truly the wind beneath my wings.

My brother and I have an incredibly close relationship due to the support and love from the lessons and teachings of both my parents.  Even though I am a single Mom, I want Emma to also experience that sibling bond.

That’s why I began my adoption journey.

Meeting a prospective birthmother

Like other potential adoptive parents I took on the task of completing my homestudy with gusto and came through just fine. My next step was having a website created which offered a window into our lives. A few short months later, I was contacted by Michelle, a prospective birthmother in Pennsylvania.

When we first met she only had a few weeks left till the birth of her baby girl. To my excitement, Michelle selected me to adopt the baby right away and that is when my adoption roller coaster ride truly began.

Unfortunately, as quickly as things started, they fell apart. Michelle didn’t like the attorney who was chosen to represent her. Without warning, she picked another adoptive parent. It’s hard to describe the level of sadness you experience when you hold a dream in your hands only to have it slip away.

It was devastating to realize how delicate the adoption process can be and how outside variables can affect the outcome. Rationally, it makes sense that this baby was not meant to be part of our lives. Those are the comforting words you hear — and try to believe — from family and friends.

The key to domestic adoption

After I picked myself up, I contacted Michelle and an unlikely friendship emerged. I gained an incredibly deep appreciation for her experience and felt the pain of her loss. At the same time, she sympathized with how close I came to completing my family through adoption.

Although it’s hard not to feel like a sore loser, I’m comforted by the friendship that Michelle and I have developed and know in my heart this relationship was meant to be part of my journey. Thanks to Michelle, I have greater insight and feel more confident about developing a strong open adoption in the future.

I’ve been told that the key to domestic adoption is not to give up. I take comfort in the quote by Thomas Edison: “Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”

Since this first experience, Emma and I have felt the excitement and disappointment of a few more adoption possibilities. I remind her to remain hopeful, positive, and grateful for the people that enter into our lives through this process.

I believe strongly that our dream will come true and look forward connecting with birth parents who feel we are the right family for their child.  Adoption is a true leap of faith both for the birth parents and the adoptive parents. If you are on an adoption journey of your own, I wish you all the best and encourage you to try and enjoy the journey.

 

Lisa is a loving mother in Olney, Maryland looking to adopt an infant or toddler.

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