What Being An Adoptive Mother Taught Me About Love

This post is by Angela Boucher, an adoptive mother. 

Recently I was asked, as an adoptive mother how has parenthood has changed me?

To be honest, I’m not sure that it matters at all how you become a parent. Instead, it’s about how you choose to parent.

I do not want you to assume my choice to be an adoptive parent was an easy experience.

It came after many years of infertility and struggle.

It took me some time to realize that while pregnancy lasts nine months, parenthood lasts a lifetime.

What I wanted was to be a mom. I wanted that more than being pregnant.

letter-pre-adoptive-mother

I will never forget the first time I saw my son.

I instantly felt that bond, the unconditional love that brought us to that very moment.

It is a love that has only grown each and every day since then and will continue to grow for a lifetime.

At times parenthood is easy, other times it can be difficult, But it’s unconditional love that gets you through those trying times.

That love comes from your heart, not your DNA.

As I reflect on that love, I know firsthand how blessed I am to have it in my life.

I also know that with it comes a responsibility to care for my child for a lifetime. To put my child’s best interests before mine every single day.

Sometimes it’s easy like teaching him to walk. Other times it’s not so easy like taking care of him when he is sick at three in the morning.

But these are the responsibilities I vowed to take on when I told my son’s birthmother I would be her unborn child’s mother.

I know that every mother feels the same as I do, but an extra responsibility comes with being an adoptive parent.

A total stranger trusted me to raise and love her child, and that is something that I will never forget.

When people get married they also take a vow to commit themselves to another person.

However more than 50% of marriages end in divorce! The vow I made to my son’s birthmother is forever!

Regardless of how a person becomes a parent, the months and years that follow are life changing.

You know everything will change but you’re not entirely prepared until it happens.

I remember my husband saying that he would do everything but diapers! I laughed and said ok, we will see about that.

The very first day we brought our son home he changed four diapers. That’s just one example of how quickly things change.

If you ask me the question “as an adoptive mother how has parenthood changed you?”, I would say it has changed everything.

Because I love my son endlessly, the same way any other parent  loves their child.

I also understand the pain and loss involved in not being able to experience that love because of the years that my husband and I tried to conceive.

We grieved our losses and prayed for parenthood. That darkness allowed us to understand the true depth of unconditional love.

That is the love we feel for our son.

I do not want you to think that our decision to adopt came lightly. It was a decision we wrestled over for a long time.

As horrible as our trials and tribulations of infertility were, I would not change a single thing.

If we did not experience them we would not be parents to our beautiful son.

We are currently in the process of trying to adopt again. We would love to have another child and for our son to be a big brother.

We have already been so blessed and hope to be blessed again.

Angela Boucher is an adoptive mother.

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